


In My Head

by MotherOfRodents



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Romance, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:27:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 26,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28356204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MotherOfRodents/pseuds/MotherOfRodents
Summary: A story set to the song In My Head by Joseph. The song, in my opinion, is about a first date and going through the motions of not wanting to like the person and then actually liking them. I turned that into the first date and going through the ups and downs of a relationship.In the story, Akaashi sets you up with his best friend Bokuto Koutarou. Turns out, he isn't what you expect.
Relationships: Bokuto Koutarou/Reader
Kudos: 20





	1. Chapter 1

_I always start at the very end_

_Made up who you are before you walk in_

You are doing this. You really are doing this. Why? That's a really good fucking question.

Because Akaashi said so.

Yeah. Super. Great. Awesome. _Wow._

He talked you into this. After so many drinks. _So many_ drinks... You honestly thought your liver would die. But he was so insistent. And he never asks you for anything.

He's your editor. You work together at the shonen magazine. He wasn't the one who hired you, but he loved you and your work nonetheless. He's been your friend since you started.

The previous owner of your workspace was a fucking heathen and had a _fucking bag_ full of paperclips. All mixed together. Of different sizes. And every time you pulled open that drawer, you had to force the stroke down. It was _annoying._

So one night, you stayed late. Organizing the paperclips into little bins by size. Because that bag was fucking nauseating. Whoever did that was a monster.

You had your headphones on, listening to calming music to keep the stroke away. You noticed someone sit next to you and reach into the bag, sorting alongside you. After a few minutes, you took off your headphones and looked over. You had seen him before, sitting in his office. You had dropped off your research and other materials each week. And here he was, sitting with you and organizing paperclips. He was the prettiest human you had ever laid eyes on and if you were being honest, you still thought so.

"Are you the one who always has the... _Intense_ research?"

You sighed. "Yeah. I just never know what facts people would find interesting. Just because I find it interesting, doesn't mean other people will. And the inverse is true as well. I figured you would know best."

He hummed. "I see. Well, then. You just moved here, correct?"

"Yeah. My dad died awhile back and my mom decided there wasn't anything keeping her in the States anymore." You shrugged. "She wanted to come home for good."

"I know you started working here later than you were supposed to. She get sick?"

"Yeah. We had been here all of a week when her heath started declining. I had to get her settled in the home."

He hummed again. "Maybe another time when you aren't giving into your OCD, you can join me for a drink after work. Sounds like you could use a friend."

You smiled at him. "I'd like that."

He nodded and bid you goodnight and to have fun with your paperclips.

For six months, he's been your best friend, ingratiating you into his world. You had met his boyfriend-- a slightly shorter, much broader man named Iwaizumi-- and spent a lot of time with them. You didn't mind being a third wheel. In fact, one night you drunkenly offered to be their surrogate if they ever wanted children and that you wished two men could make a child on their own because theirs would be the most beautiful humans to grace the face of the earth. Both men laughed and said they would be honored.

You had met some of their other friends, including Iwaizumi's best friend Oikawa. Who was pretty, but a little bit of a diva. He was honest to a fault and fiercely loyal. And that made you appreciate him greatly. While he was in town, you had been close. You drove him and his smarmy boyfriend Kuroo-- who you also loved-- to the airport when they went back to Argentina.

It turns out they loved volleyball as much as you did. Akaashi had taken you to a couple games to see his best friend. The man seemed like a ball of energy wrapped in crack, but he was sweet nonetheless. He had come out a couple times with you guys for drinks, but always left before you got too drunk to be a functional human being.

Which seemed to be Akaashi's favorite version of you. Mostly because he realized you couldn't say no to him when in that state. He probably could've told you to jump off a cliff and you'd have done it with a smile on your face.

And one particular night, he had asked if you would go on a date with his best friend. And you fucking agreed. Because why the fuck not. He was a good looking guy. What was the harm?

He is late. _That_ is the harm. You consider leaving when you hear him call your name. You turn in the direction his voice came from. You can't help the smile on your face as you get a good look at him.

Bokuto looks good dressed up. You can't deny that fact as he stands there, slacks, dress shirt and tie.

"Sorry I'm late. Practice went long today. Hinata just wouldn't stop."

Now there was someone who was all energy wrapped in cocaine and tied off with amphetamines.

You smile. "It's fine." You lie. Mostly because he looks so good. "You ready?"

He nods and gestures for you to go into the restaurant first.

_Here in my mind_

_I'm writing your lines_

You're seated at a table in the back. You order drinks and start looking at the menu. He starts the small talk. He sounds like he _actually_ wants to get to know you. Huh. Interesting. You weren't expecting anything, honestly. And here he is, shattering your expectations of nothingness.

"'kaashi said you played volleyball in high school. What position?"

"Wing spiker. I was also the pinch server when I didn't start."

He seems excited by that. "Were you the ace? And why the pinch server?" He cocks his head at you.

You chuckle. "No. I just created rebounds for the ace. And I had one hell of a jump float." _Ace._ You hate that term.

He smiles widely at you. "We should play together sometime."

You hum. "Maybe."

He doesn't falter, isn't deterred. "Just maybe?" He leans over slightly, looking up at you through thick lashes. "Please?"

Your heart stutters slightly. You just weren't expecting that. Before you can think about it, "okay" falls from your lips and he smiles wider.

"Good. What do you do for fun?"

You open your mouth to answer when he stops the next waiter and orders. You make your order and the man takes the menus with a bow of his head. Bokuto turns back to and gestures for you to continue.

You tell him about your likes and dislikes. He returns in kind. You go back and forth until your food comes. You still talk, just at a slower pace.

At a lull in the conversation, he looks at you for what feels like an eternity. He finally says, "I forgot to tell you that you look good. I mean, you always look good, but you look _really_ good tonight."

You smile at him. "Thank you. You do too."

He smiles that wide smile at you again. He starts asking you more questions and you answer and then he gives his own.

And here you thought you'd have to carry the conversation. He never seemed like such a chatterbox before. He was always so quiet when you both were out with friends. And now, it almost seems like he has to stop himself from talking.

He's nervous. Why?

You can't stop thinking about it. Why is he so nervous? Bokuto Koutarou. Nervous. This isn't real life.

"Why are you so nervous?" You finally blurt out.

And he turns the most beautiful shade of red another human being could ever take on.

He stutters a little. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He looks at you with those beautiful golden orbs. "You make me nervous," he finally gets out in a soft quiet tone.

"Why?"

He took another deep breath. "Because you're beautiful."

He said it so simply, so softly. It causes that same flutter in your heart when he smiles that wide smile.

"You are too."

He smiles that same wide smile you were just thinking about. "Cool." He chuckles.

He's himself again. That calms the racing in your chest that you didn't even realize was there until this moment. He starts talking about himself and you're glad for the reprieve.

He's sweet. He's so sweet.

The rest of the meal continues with shared facts and the like. He's not nervous anymore. He speaks much more freely than he did before. And it makes you smile more freely.

You finish the meal and walk outside the restaurant.

He hums. "What do you want to do now?" He cocks an eyebrow at you.

You hum back and take a deep breath. "I don't want to keep you."

He smiles softly. "I assure you that I have no other obligations. My time is yours." He steps closer. "You said you like movies right?"

"Yeah. I don't have very many Japanese movies."

He clears his throat and sports a very serious look as he says, in English, "I'd like to think my English is very good, thank you."

You laugh. Because he's trying so hard. You respond back in English, "Okay. I'll even let you pick."

He offers you his arm and you hook your arm through his. "You don't live too far from here, yeah?"

You nod and begin to lead the way. You ask him how his day was and he tells you about it. All about it. He actually talks the whole walk to your apartment.

You take out your keys and stop. "Two things." You look to him and he nods. "I hope you don't think that just because I'm inviting you in--"

He holds up his hands to cut you off. "I don't expect anything. We don't have to anything. I just want to spend time with you."

Oh. _Oh._

Now you want to do something. Because there's _nothing_ sexier than a man who respects boundaries.

_First I'll be every little thing that you want_

_Then you'll take a little too long to respond_

You smile widely and he _almost_ imperceptibly falters. "So, second. Your high school mascot was an owl, right?"

He chuckles. "Yeah. Why?"

You unlock the door and step in. "She startles easily. So be warned."

He steps inside with a confused look on his face. You turn on the light and remove your shoes. He does the same and follows closely behind as you walk in.

You turn to look at him. "Her name's Tsubaki." You walk over to a large cage in the corner and hear him squeal in excitement. You peer into the open cage. You tut at her and she stops her preening. "Would you like to come out?" The bird cocks her head at you. She steps into your extended arm. You slowly pull it out and turn to him as you stroke the side of her face. "I found her in my backyard about ten years ago. Her wing was hurt bad. She can't fly anymore. I had to get permits and stuff to keep her. She's probably near the end of her life, but I'd like to think she's happy."

You coo at the little owl. "She's a pygmy. This is my friend Bo. Can he pet you?" You reach out and take his hand in yours. You place his finger under yours and touch her feathers. He smiles widely and you can't help but smile in return.

"She's beautiful. Almost as much as you." He doesn't take his eyes off her but he still blushes that same intense one as before.

You blush in return and set her upon the hollowed out tree of a perch next to the cage. You turn back to him and he smiles widely. That smile honestly makes you want to melt into a puddle.

He takes a deep breath and looks around. "You said you paint, yeah? Can I see some of your stuff?"

"I thought we were going to watch a movie?"

He intertwines your fingers of your still joined hands. "In a bit." He smiles that wide smile and has a knowing look in his eyes.

He knows. He fucking _knows_ what he's doing. The little shit.

You sigh and lead him to the second bedroom that you use for a studio. You turn on the light and he looks around at the paintings, finished and unfinished. He smiles at the unfinished portrait on an easel.

"That's Akaashi."

You smile. "Yeah. He let me take some photos of him so I could paint him. Then Oikawa got jealous and demanded a portrait. And Kuroo sent me some..." You grimace at the memory. "Pictures that they wanted me to pick from."

He laughs, genuine and loud. "Of course he did." He smiles down at you. "Would you paint me?"

"Yeah. I'd like that."

He chuckles softly. "That'll be one hell of a second date." He stares at you for a bit.

And then those fucking heathens start with their daily goddamn racket.

Why you agreed to watch your coworker's rats while she was on vacation is something you will never understand.

He laughs. "What was that?"

You sigh. "My coworker's rats. I'm watching them while she's on vacation." You walk across the small hallway and open the bedroom door. You turn on the light before going up to the cage and groan at them. "Nuggets. What do you need now?"

He chuckles as he saunters next to you. "What are their names?" He leans down and peers into the cage.

"Fuck if I know. I just call them Nugget. They're all nuggets."

He stands back up. He turns around and studies your room. His eyes fall to your bed. "Why is your bed so big?"

"Because I'm a queen and I deserve it." You smile brightly at him.

That delicious blush returns. He seems to stumble and goes to sit on the bed. He just kind of stares at you and it's somewhat unsettling.

You stand in front of him, your knees touching his. "Why are you nervous again?"

He chuckles, somewhat dryly, and you decide you don't like that sound coming from him. "I'm in your room. With you. Sitting on your bed. Why wouldn't I be nervous?"

You sigh and sit next to him. "I don't like it when your nervous." You say it simply. He seems to respond better that way. "So don't be nervous. Do what you need to to get it out of your system. I'll wait." You smile at him.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He loosens his tie and unbuttons the top few buttons. His knee bobs up and down as he runs his fingers through his hair. He takes another deep breath and opens his eyes. He turns to look at you. He's staring again.

He leans in and closes the gap between you quickly. Before you have time to process his actions, his lips are on yours. His hand was on the side of your neck and yours was on his cheek. Your lips moved together in a somewhat unsteady and unsure rhythm. It was sweet and soft.

He pulls away and leans his forehead against yours. He takes a deep breath and giggles.

This grown ass god damn man just fucking _giggled._

"Feel better?" You smile widely at him as he pulls back a little more.

He nods and exhales loudly. "So much fucking better." He laughs.

"Anything I can do to help." You give him a peace sign and stick your tongue out at him.

His laughing stops abruptly and he just stares at your tongue. The hand still on your neck pulls you closer as he studies the piercings. He hums softly as he continues to stare. A hesitant finger touches one of the balls in the middle of your tongue. A secondary, slightly more sure, touches one of the balls on the tip of your tongue.

You cock your head as you study him. He's so enthralled by the piercings. You jut your tongue out slightly and slide it against his fingers. You smile as that blush comes back full force.

_In the back of my mind_

_I'm already saying goodbye_

_I hope you can't tell_

His fingers slowly slide from your mouth. He doesn't say anything but mouths "whoa."

You chuckle. "Like it?" You're feeling bold. That's okay. You can be bold enough for both of you at the moment.

"Yeah," he whispers. He's staring at your mouth.

"Would you like to kiss me again?" Still feeling bold. Solid. You can do this.

He takes that as permission. He kisses you again, more sure this time. You feel his tongue against your lip and part them more and his tongue darts in. The moment your tongue rubs against his, he stops, briefly stunned.

You chuckle and he seems to take offense.

He leans into you until you're laying down. He slides on top of you and his lips move with more vigor. His hands settle on your hips, fingers twitching.

He's so sweet he needs permission to touch you. And that's so fucking hot you can't even stand it.

Your fingers make quick succession of the buttons on his shirt. He seems to take that as a sign he can remove his tie and throws it across the room. You smile as your fingers trace the contours of his chest and shoulders as you push his shirt off.

And that's when it seems that all the animals lose their shit. The rats clammor about, rattling the cage. The owl starts in with her small hoots at the rats and the mice at the bottom of her cage.

Bokuto stops what's he's doing and just laughs. He looks down at you. "Is it always this lively around here?"

You groan, sigh, and rub your temples. You mutter under your breath about how easy it would be to feed the rodents to the owl and then cook the owl.

He laughs again. He cocks his head at you. "Headache?"

You hum and close your eyes. You take a deep breath.

"I might be able to help with that? May I?"

You nod and he kisses your cheek. You feel him get up.

"Lay your head on the pillows. Come on." You can hear the smile in his voice.

You do as told and he turns off the light. You feel him climb back into bed. You smile as he straddles your waist. You put your hands on his thighs as you feel his breath on your face. He runs a finger down the middle of your forehead and down the slope of your nose. He repeats this a few times. Then he extends his reach to your chin, seeming to take a little bit longer on your lips than anywhere else.

It's sweet. _He's_ sweet. What God did you please to get this to happen?

"I used to do something like this for Akaashi. I'm _obviously_ doing it a little different for you," he whispers in your ear.

You hum as his finger continues on its trek down your face with its slow soothing path. You smile and he kisses your cheek again.

"You're so sweet." You open your eyes and smile at him. You stoke his cheek and his finger stops.

He leans down and kissed the tip of your nose. He doesn't say anything as he lays down next to you and watches you roll on your side to face him. You stroke his cheek and he leans his face into your touch.

"We could still watch a movie." You smile.

He laughs softly. "I like this. We can do that tomorrow. I know you don't work tomorrow."

And then it hits you. Fucking Akaashi.

And you laugh. You curl a little into yourself and place a hand on his chest. He cocks his head at you.

You finally calm down a bit and glance up at him. "I do believe, good sir, that you are a present."

He arches an eyebrow and leans back a little. "For what?"

"It's my birthday."

His brow furrows. And then the realization hits him. "Oh."

"Fucking Akaashi." You chuckle and cover your face.

He pulls you into a tight hug. He hums as you kiss his neck. You pepper his neck with kisses, just to enjoy the small groans he let out. You run your tongue up his adam's apple and the noise he makes is so delicious that you need to hear it again and again. So run your tongue up his neck several more times; and each time, he makes that same moaning noise.

He runs a hand up your back and tangles it in your hair. He gently pulls you back. He giggles softly and takes a deep breath. "You're wearing me thin," he whispers.

You pull him flush to you. "That's kind of the point, Koutarou," you whisper back.

He's stunned. Probably because you used his given name. You study him and watch as the cogs turn in his head. You smirk when his eyes darken slightly.

He finally gets the picture that he can touch you. He leans into you and lays you flat on your back. You press your knees into his sides as he kisses your neck. He impatiently but gently untucks your shirt and pulls it over your head. He runs his fingers down your arms and sides. He tries to sit up but you wrap your legs around his waist.

He runs his hands up your thighs and to your waist. You feel his fingers try to get under the waist band of your skirt and sigh. "How do I take this fucking thing off?" He lifts his head and looks down at you.

"Why would I take off my skirt while you're still wearing pants?" You cock your head at him.

He whispers a soft "fuck" as your legs unwrap from around him. You decide you like it when he swears, mostly because he doesn't do it often. You smile as he fumbles with his belt and pants. He leans down to kiss you as he kicks his pants off.

"Can you tell me how to take this off now?" He grins, somewhat mischievously.

You arch your back and pull his arms around you to the button and zipper. He makes quick work of them and pulls the skirt off you. You wrap your arms and legs around him and pull him flush to you. You kiss him.

The feeling of his skins against yours is... It's _almost_ indescribable. It's perfect and glorious and amazing. He's beautiful. He's so fucking beautiful.

Too bad he's gone back to being nervous and keeping his hands on your waist.

That's fine. You're still feeling bold.

_I'm in my head, in my head_

_Getting ahead_

_I'm in my head getting ahead of myself_

You rake your nails lightly down his back and bite his lower lip.

That lit a fire in him. He groans as his hips grind against yours. He kisses you with more fervor, more desire. His tongue slides against yours and you both moan.

He tentatively strokes the curve of one of your breasts. You can tell by the way his fingers fiddle with the lace that he wants the offending bra off. You arch your back and he takes the hint quicker than any other all night. He takes off your bra quicker than anything you've ever experienced and throws it across the room.

He squeezes both of your breasts then stops what he's doing. He sits up slightly and looks down. He moves his hands to cup your breasts. Once again, he's mesmerized by the piercings. He chuckles as he leans down to kiss your neck. His lips move down your throat. He nibbles at your collarbone and your hips buck against him as you moan loudly.

His hands rest on the bed beside you. He sits up and takes a deep breath. He looks into your eyes. "If we don't stop now..." He trails off as he sits up on his knees.

You sit up and stroke his cheek. "I know. If you want to leave, you can." You try not to sound sad.

But he's right.

"It's not that I don't want to. Because I do. I _really_ fucking want to. But I don't want you think that I just wanted to go out with you just for that. I like you. I have for awhile but I was too chicken shit to say anything." He looks sad. You don't like that. His face wasn't made to be sad.

You sigh. "So, you asked Akaashi to get me to go out with you." You nod. You kiss his forehead. You smile widely at him as you hold both of his cheeks. "Regardless, I'm happy with what happened tonight. I had a good time."

His smile is back full force. "I don't want to leave."

"Then don't. Stay." You smile softly. "We can cuddle."

He sighs in relief. "I _do_ like to cuddle."

You pull the covers out from under you and you both get under them. He pulls you close and kisses you. You want nothing more than to deepen the kiss but you don't.

He does though. Only for a brief moment before your phone dings.

You groan and lean over to get it from your skirt pocket. You lay back down to see him reaching for his pants for his phone.

You unlock your phone and groan again.

_Have a good birthday?_

_You sneaky little shit._

Bokuto leans his head against your shoulder and giggles. "He texted me too."

"He's a little shit." You turn to look at him when he giggles again. You kiss his forehead. "When he asked me to do this, he made it sound like I was doing him a favor. Made it sound like it was his idea."

He hums as he types on his phone. "Did he now?" He seems agitated, but there's still a rather playful smile on his face.

You nod. "Yeah. He never mentioned that you wanted to take me out. He just got me trashed and made me think that it was just something he wanted to happen."

He hums again and types even more furiously. You look over his shoulder and see the insane amount of typos and take his phone from him. You fix all the words that were wrong and ask him about the random... _Garbles_ of letters that don't make sense to you and send the message.

"He'll know you sent it."

"He can know all day long until the cows come home. Won't make a difference. I just couldn't look at that and not feel anxious." You put both phones on the nightstand and settle back into his chest as he wraps an arm around your shoulders.

He laughed at your phrasing, and is still laughing as he kisses your temple. "That's a funny phrase."

You laugh. "My dad used to say it. He was first generation American, grew up in midwest. Would say all kinds of colorful shit like that."

He hums. "You get anxious a lot, right?"

You sigh. "Yeah. It can be... Overwhelming... For people to see and deal with. A couple of my exes couldn't handle it."

He's quiet for awhile. To the point where you start to regret saying it. Your breathing quickens sharply. You feel the tightening in your chest, the pounding in your head. Your hands start shaking.

Oh, what a time for the anxiety to rear her ugly head. You had spent most of the day ignoring her. And now she was angry.

And she's creating the panic she so often did in your head. And the visceral physical aftermath that often came as an afterthought.

He holds you closer as you try to push him away.

That's new.

His arms wrap tightly around you. He's not speaking but you can feel his eyes on you, studying your every movement. You try to pull away again but he's so much stronger than you.

Oh. He's trying to understand you and your anxiety.

That's _really_ fucking new.

And that calms you but also provides a new shade of anxiety to you.

The kind of anxiety that says "this might work but what if it doesn't; oh god I can't do this but maybe I can. He's so fucking beautiful, why is he interested in me? Oh god, he's interested in me. I can do this. I can't do this. I can do this?"

Oh, god. You are doing this.

He begins to run a finger down your face the way he did before. You time your breaths to the movements of his finger. And it calms you down. Your shaking stops and your breathing levels out.

He takes a deep breath and it feels so warm on your neck. "Do you feel better?" His finger was still moving down your face.

You hum and nod. "Thank you," your voice comes out a croak of a whisper.

"I know that it's a part of you. And I want to get to know you and everything you are. Every version of you. From, what Akaashi calls, the very impressionable version of you. To the obsessive paper clip separating version of you. To this version, the panicked and sad. And since I want to be with you, then I need to know all of those things."

He _wants_ to be with you. He _really_ does. You can tell by the tone he's using, so serious and far from normal.

You roll over and face him. He's smiling widely, that same smile has had you melting into puddles all night. You sigh and stroke his cheek. "Okay. I'd like to know every version of you."

You had already begun to reconcile the version of him you had made up before the date had started to the one laying next to you now. If you were being honest, you like the real him better. This beautiful and sweet man who had been nothing but nice and considerate all night long.

And then you think of something he said earlier. "Painting someone takes awhile. Think you can sit still for that long? Or fit me into your busy schedule for one hell of a second date?"

He takes a deep breath and furrows his brow in thought. After a few beats he says, "Maybe?"

You laugh. "That doesn't have to our second date."

"Nope. I already said it would be. We're doing it. I can do it." He reaches over you to grab his phone. He lays back down and pulls up his calendar. He's muttering about different days as he pulls up their perspective schedules.

You kiss his neck and he hums happily. "I never said you couldn't. I'm just being realistic."

He hums. "I can do Sunday?" He turns to you.

You nod and he smiles happily. "God, your smile is the most beautiful thing I've ever fucking seen." You smile as he blushes. "You're so cute."

He kisses you. It's so soft and tender. His arms wrap around you and hold you tightly against him. He groans softly as your tongue glides against his.

You take a deep breath and lean back. You think that you could get used to him, laying in your bed with you.

And it seems he's having the same thought. "I don't think I'm ever gonna go back home. Your bed is so fucking comfy. I don't think I ever want to get up." He laughs.

You smile. "I wouldn't mind that."

He smiles. "Did you have a good birthday?"

You chuckle. "Probably the best I've had in years." You run your finger along his jawline. "And it's all because of you."

_I'm in my head, in my head_

_Getting ahead_

_I'm in my head getting ahead of myself_


	2. Chapter 2

_I can feel myself getting too close_

_It's almost easier when I'm on my own_

Bokuto was absolutely fucking serious. He wanted you to paint him. And now here he is, sitting on your couch like the fucking model he looks like, without a shirt on, reading a book he plucked from your shelves.

He asked what your favorite book was and you gestured to it. He pulled it from the shelf and sat down on the couch and began to read.

You had been painting for hours and he had been reading your favorite book-- in English, mind you. You were so surprised he sat still for the first hour. Then the second ticked by and you noticed him start to twitch. By the third, he was full blown fidgeting and you had to keep telling him that he wanted this so he needed to be still.

You smile at him. "Do you want to take a break?"

"Oh, thank God," he said as he took a deep breath. He folds the corner of the page and closes the book.

Huh. He was actually reading it. Color you impressed.

You stand and stretch as he bounces around slightly. You roll your eyes and turn back to the painting. He stands next to you and smiles.

"It looks good."

You sigh. "It's hardly finished." You only managed to just barely mostly finish him sitting on the couch. Your turn to him. "Are you hungry?"

"Food sounds so fucking good right now."

You smile and walk into the kitchen, him not far behind. You open the fridge and feel him lean into you as he looks at what you have. "Does anything in particular sound good?"

He hums. "What's your favorite thing to eat?"

You smile as you think about your parents cooking together, combining foods of two entirely different backgrounds to make meal. "I don't know. My parents cooked together and would bring both of their backgrounds to the food we ate. Every meal was a blend of her and him. I tend to cook that way. If that's okay."

He hums. "I don't think I've ever had food like that."

"Then you're in for a treat. It took me awhile to find an international grocery store that had what I liked but eventually I found one." You start pulling things from the fridge. You open the freezer and pull a few more things out. Your turn to face him with arms full of cold foods. "Would you like to help or just hover?"

You move past him and begin to prepare the food. He's still hovering, watching your every move. You feel his eyes on you as you continue to flutter about the kitchen around him, doing this and that.

You keep going, even though it's a little unsettling to have someone watching your every move so closely. You take a deep breath and turn to him. "As much as I love how curious you are, you either need to help or go in another room."

He smirks and crosses his arms. "Am I crowding you?"

"A little, yeah."

He chuckles as he stands next to you, taking the knife from your hand to cut the vegetables. "Fine. I'll help. I just like watching you do things." He shrugs as he continues.

You smile at him and began on preparing the next thing. As you two work to prepare and make the food, you find yourself thinking about how easy it is to fall into a pattern with him.

You think of possible futures, both near and far. You wonder if your dad would've liked him. Daddy never liked any of the boys you brought home but a small part of you kept saying that he'd like this one. You wonder if your mom would like him. She also didn't like any of the others.

You start to feel a little sad as you sit down at the table to eat. You can feel him studying you but he isn't saying anything. He's just watching you as you both eat. He seems to like the food, and that lifts your spirits slightly. You eat in companionable silence and he even helps to do the dishes.

He finally speaks as he drys the last dish. "Wanna tell me what's on your mind?"

You sigh. Do you want to? No. Should you? Probably.

"I was just thinking about my parents." You shrug. "My dad died almost a year ago. And not long after, my mom decided to come home. With Daddy gone, she didn't feel the need to stay in the States anymore. And then she got sick when we got here. And I had to put her in a home."

"I'm sorry." He pulls you into a tight embrace.

You put your arms around his waist. "Thank you." You smile as he kisses the top of your head.

"Now. Want to continue painting?" He smiles widely at you.

You sigh and nod. He takes your hand and leads you back into the living room. He sits back on the couch and opens the book. You sit on the stool in front of the easel and roll your eyes as you hear the violent squeaks of a mouse being eaten by your owl.

You start painting, allowing yourself to be consumed by each stroke. You get a good portion done before he starts asking questions about the book. You answer each one, a smile on your face. He goes back to reading. Every now and then, he asks another question and you answer.

You finally finish the painting after another couple of hours. He folds the corner of the page and practically jumps across the room in a single leap to see. He smiles happily at it and then at you.

"This is awesome, babe." He picks you up into a tight hug.

You smile, mostly because he called you babe. You kiss his temple. "I'm glad you like it."

He sets you down and smiles down at you. "Can I spend the night again?" His smile turns a shade mischievous.

You smile. Of course he could stay again. You nod.

He came over last night after the game and stayed the night. Part of you wonders if he had planned last night in advance. He came over, freshly showered with his hair down. You guys were watching a movie. You were laying on a pillow in his lap. You smiled up at him. He was focused on the movie, but there was a determined look on his face. You turned back to the movie and his hand slipped into your pants. You turned to look back at him and he was smirking at the movie.

You smile at him as he pulls you into your bedroom. He clearly has a plan. Too bad you do too. After the three lovely orgasms he gave you last night, you had decided to give him something equally as nice back.

_Here in mind_

_I'm drawing a line_

He smiles at you as you walk ahead of him. He pulls you flush to him, your back to his chest. He gets his fingers into your pants before you grab his wrist and stop him. You sit on the bed and he gives you a confused look, somewhere along the lines of the "why would you not want something that makes you feel good" kind of look. You just smile up at him as you lay down with your head hanging off the side of the bed.

He walks up to you and cocks his head at you. You continue to smile at him as you pull him closer to you by his sweatpants. You pull them down and smile wider as his erection springs free. You wrap your fingers around the base of his cock. You open your mouth and take him into you.

He moans as your tongue traces the prominent vein on the underside of his cock. The moan that leaves him as you take more of him in is absolutely glorious. The strokes of your hand meet your lips. he starts to thrust his hips, making his cock go deeper.

You notice he isn't going as rough as he could. He's so considerate. How sweet. You smirk, because you don't have a gag reflex.

You remove your hand and put them on his hips and force him into you. You smile around his cock at the expletives that fall from his lips. After a few beats, he realizes that little bit about your gag reflex, or lack thereof, and moves his hips faster. He does that for a little while, his grunts filling your head.

He slows down and you use your hands on his hips to set your own pace as you sucked, your cheeks hollowing. You guide him out of your mouth until just now the head is in your mouth and suck as hard as you can. Your tongue travels over every inch of him and causes absolutely delicious moans.

He's enjoying himself. And that's all you wanted.

His hips speed up again, but with a frenetic rhythm now. He thrusts his cock deep into your throat. You can feel his cock twitch and as he comes. His thrusts slow as you suck out the last of his orgasm. He pants softly as he pulls his cock from your mouth and pulls his pants back up. He sits next to you as he tries to catch his breath.

"That was..." He looks down at you. He struggles to find words.

You sit up and kiss his cheek. "You're welcome." You sit propped up by the pillows. You pull out your phone. Akaashi texted. You open the text as Bokuto lays back with his head on your shin.

_Did you actually paint him? I want to see the finished product._

"Hey, babe?" You look down at him and he lazily turns his head to you. "Will you go take a picture of the painting? Akaashi wants to see it." You hold out your phone.

He grabs it and gets up. He's gone for a few beats before he comes back. He lays down next to you, but it looks more like melting, as he hands you the phone.

You send the picture. You smile down at him. "You okay?"

He hums and nods.

"Words a little hard?"

He nods again and you pat his chest a couple times. Your phone vibrates and you look at it.

_Looks good. Not what I was expecting._

_And what, pray tell, were you expecting?_

_Knowing him? Something ridiculous. Like him riding a tiger or some dumb shit._

You chuckle. _He did actually read the book. He didn't finish it, but he was reading the whole time._

_He does read on occasion. Just not often. Question._

_Answer._

_Is he still there?_

_Yes._

_Interesting. I was thinking of coming by for a little bit._

"Akaashi was thinking of coming over." You look down at him.

He hums and looks up at you. "When?" he whispers.

_When?_

_In an hour or so. Maybe two._

"An hour or two."

"That gives me time to learn how to function again."

_Sure. He'll still be here. He's gonna spend the night._

_I'm sure he is. See you then._

You shake your head as you look down at him. "You sure you're okay?"

He takes a deep breath as he sits up a little. "Yeah. That was just... Wow. I, uh... Yeah"

You chuckle. "I'll take that as a compliment."

"Of the _highest_ degree," he breathed out.

You hum and close your eyes. You slide down a little to lay down. You curl into his side.

"Tired?"

You shake your head. "I just don't feel like doing anything."

He hums as he wraps an arm around you, his hand settling on your hip.

You smile at that. You told him that you were a little self-conscious about the shape of your hips and the way the crest always stuck out a little, even when you gained weight. He had taken it upon himself to make you feel less self-conscious about it, mostly by absentmindedly tracing the crest with his fingers. Which is what he is doing now.

He begins muttering to himself about what you could or couldn't do in the meantime while waiting for Akaashi to get there.

"Hajime is probably coming, too."

He hums. That didn't seem to deter whatever train of thought he was riding. He is suddenly pulled from it and turns to you. "You call him by his given name but you don't with Akaashi?"

You shake your head. "Hajime reminds me of my best friend back in the States. In the way he looks, his mannerisms, the way he speaks. I told him that and he said that if I wanted to, I could call him by his given name rather than his family name. He knew that I only had a couple friends here. He just wanted me to know I had another friend."

He smiles widely. "That's sweet." He hums again. "I could introduce you to the team. But know most of them are..." He cocks his head in thought.

"I know 'Tsumu. We go to the same gym. I also know his brother. Those two are trouble. Well, 'Tsumu is. 'Samu is less so."

He chuckles. "Yeah. Tsum-Tsum is something else. How often do you go to the gym?"

"A couple times a week. I usually see one of them there whenever I go." You hum as you think.

Osamu is sweet. A little food obsessed, but sweet. At least to you. He seemed like a shit lord to his brother. But he treated you well enough. He seemed to not really care about most things. Your favorite thing to do with him is agitate him to the point of absurd sounding profanities. But you found him the more attractive Miya and were even sleeping with him at one point in time.

Astumu is a disaster bi, being better with women than men. At one point, you thought he might've been flirting with you. But honestly, with that man, it was hard to tell if that was just his personality or him flirting.

You feel a finger in between your brows. You look up at Bokuto.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I was thinking about how I think Atsumu might've been flirting with me for the last couple months. But I can't tell. He's kind of a disaster with flirting."

"Well, he won't anymore. That's for sure." He rolls his eyes, as if saying "of course he was."

You cock your head with a confused look on your face. Are you really confused? Hell, no. You just want to hear what he might say. "Why's that?"

And he buys it. Such a sweet man. "Because you're mine and I'm not one for guys flirting with my girl."

Cute answer. But wrong. You belong to no man. You open your mouth to say so when he starts to talk again.

"I probably shouldn't have said that. You don't strike me as someone who wants to be a possession. You also don't strike me as someone who wants to be showed off either, but I won't concede on that. Sorry." He turns to you. "Will you be my girlfriend?"

You smile widely. You nod and kiss him. "Glad you picked up on that."

He hums as he takes out his phone. He pulls up his camera. "Can I take a picture of us?"

You roll your eyes. "Sure, babe."

He kisses your temple. He turns back to the camera and you both smile. He looks at the picture happily and sends it to Atsumu.

"Well, that's mean."

"Seems like he missed his chance. His loss, my gain."

Both of your phones buzz and you look at the respective messages. Both from Atsumu.

_Guess I missed out, huh?_

_Dude. I didn't even realize you were flirting with me until I was sitting here with Bo. You really are a disaster bi. I can still be your wingwoman at the gym._

_Bro. Bet._

You chuckle as Bokuto reads over your shoulder. "What did he say to you?"

"A bunch of sad face emojis."

You laugh. "That seems like him." You sigh. "Don't tell him I said this, but he actually has a crush on one of your teammates."

"Oh, we all know about that. He is _so_ obvious. Too bad Hinata is oblivious and has a boyfriend."

You cock your head. "It's not him."

He opens and closes his mouth abruptly.

"I won't tell you who."

He hums. "Then I will figure it out on my own." He starts to type furiously to Atsumu and you laugh.

You still can't really handle all his typos, but at least he's trying to fix some of them now. Before, most of his texts were jumbles of letters that hardly made sense. Now, they were at least semi-coherent.

You smile at him. He is so wrapped up in his current mystery, he probably wouldn't notice anything. You run your tongue up his neck and that only phases him slightly.

"I'm trying to concentrate, here."

You pout and go back to texting Atsumu.

_He thought you had a crush on Hinata._

_Oh. That's... Oh._

_Apparently, it was obvious to everyone. So if I were you, I'd rectify that situation pronto._

_Crap shit fuck. Okay. I can fix this. You know what. Fuck it. I'm gonna text him and tell him how I feel._

_You go, girl._

You notice Bokuto reading over your shoulder and you chuckle. "Thought you could glean an insight?"

"Maybe." He narrows his eyes at you as he slowly turns back to his phone.

You turn back to yours.

_I did it. Now I wait. Patiently. But I'm not fucking patient._

_Yes you are. Deep breath. Boi. You got this._

_You're right. I got this. I'm hot shit. I fucking got this._

You chuckle and he immediately sends another text.

_I don't fucking got this. He texted back._

_Well? Don't keep me waiting. Spill the tea, queen._

_He said "oh. Thank you."_

_Jesus. What did you say._

_I think you're cute._

You hit your forehead and sigh.

"Wow. You were right. He is a disaster." He looked at his phone as it buzzed. "Well, I know who it is. He just sent me a screenshot asking what that could possibly mean."

You groan. "Jesus Christ. I forgot the the only bigger gossips than queens are athletes."

He opens his mouth, as if to defend himself then closes it. "No. You're right. The more I think about it, the more right that statement is."

You sigh and turn back to your phone with three new messages from Atsumu.

_Oh god. What am I going to do?_

_YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HELP ME OUT HERE!_

_Help me, please._

_Okay first, calm the fuck down. Second, be clearer. Don't be so weird with a blanket statement. Ask him out, puss._

_Okay fine. I fucking will._

You sigh and look back over to Bokuto, who is smiling widely at you. "What?"

He shakes his head. "Nothing. You just seem to fit in well with my friends."

You smile. He's spent too much time with Akaashi. "Thanks."

He hums and kisses the top of your head. "I was wondering what we'll do for our next date."

You shrug. "Whatever you want to do is fine with me."

He nods as his phone buzzed. You look over at it. You know the name well, because of how often Atsumu talks about him.

_He asked me to go on a date with him. What do I do?_

You take his phone and respond back.

_That all depends. Do you want to go out with him?_

_You're not Bokuto.... But you have a fair point._

Bokuto laughs as you type back.

_No I'm not. But I do know Atsumu. But this is a decision that is yours and yours alone. I took his phone because I know what he'll say and that's "do it bro." But he is not you. You have to make this choice._

_Would you two be willing to come with us? The thought of being alone with him is... Terrifying._

_You'll be in public._

_That's even worse._

_Fair enough. Let me think on ideas for a minute and I'll get back to you. You're the germaphobe, right?_

_Yes._

_Okay. Give me a sec._

You turn to Bokuto. "Okay. So, he gets social anxiety, right? That takes bars and restaurants out of the picture. Ditto for clubs." You hum. "How do they feel about museums?"

He stutters slightly. "Sakusa probably wouldn't mind. Atsumu might not like it."

"I ask because I know one that isn't too busy on weeknights. So after practice could be good. It's still a public place, but not too many people. We can go with them and still give them their space." You cock your head at him.

"You've really put thought into this."

You shrug. "I'm an extrovert, but I'm rather introverted for an extrovert. Especially since coming here. So, I understand the social anxiety."

He cocks his head at you in thought. "So you like attention, but not being the center of attention?"

You nod. "That is correct. But think it could work?"

He sighs as he thinks about it. "Yeah. Probably."

You hand him your phone. "Tell Atsumu. I'll get a day from Sakusa."

_Okay, so how does a museum sound? I know one that doesn't get crowds on the weeknights._

_What kind of museum?_

_Historical. I figured that would be safer than art._

_Okay... I can do that._

_What day?_

_I don't know... Wednesday?_

You turn to Bokuto and he relays the message to Atsumu. After a few beats, he nods.

_Wednesday it is._

_Okay. Thank you._

_Not a problem._

You switch back phones and cringe at Bokuto's messages. You read through them and try not to have a stroke.

"I guess our next date is a double date of sorts." He shrugs.

"I'll make it up to you."

"With another amazing blow job?"

"If that's what you want, sure."

He opens his mouth but is interrupted by the doorbell.

"Akaashi and Hajime are here. Put on a shirt, babe."

You walk out of the room with a very self-satisfied smirk plastured on your face.

******

_I'm trying to read your body language 'cross the table_

_Wish I could see behind your eyes into the future_

Once again, Bokuto is late. But he isn't the only one. You pull out your phone to text him when you hear your name being called. You look up and there he is. He runs ahead of the other two men and picks you up in a tight embrace. He kisses your cheek and sets you down. You don't miss the smug smile on his face at the blush on yours.

The other two men walk up. Atsumu gives you a small side hug. He's nervous. He's never nervous. This might not turn out so well.

You open your mouth to say something but Bokuto's voice stops you.

"This is Sakusa Kiyoomi."

You smile at the man. He seems grateful you don't want to shake his hand. But all you can see are his eyes because of the mask. "Nice to meet you."

"You as well," he says softly.

Your smile grows wider. You hope this goes well. Mostly because you think this reserved man might be enough to reign in Atsumu when he gets into one of his fits.

You lead them into the museum. You hand Sakusa the map, because he seems like he'd be less directionally challenged than Atsumu.

"Why not give me the map?"

You turn to Atsumu. "You got us lost on the way to the bar. It's a block away from the gym."

The other two men chuckle.

He concedes, though. "Fair enough." He probably only conceded because it happened more than once.

You lead them through the museum, telling them about the exhibits you knew well enough. You notice the other two lag behind a little bit and you give them their space, pulling Bokuto a little further ahead.

"How do you think it's going?" He leans down and whispers into your hair.

You glance back at the other two. Atsumu is laughing and smiling. Sakusa's body language suggests he is, too. "Better than I thought."

"You noticed he was nervous too."

"They both were. Never seen 'Tsumu so nervous though. He must really like him."

He hums. "I noticed that too."

You stop at a case containing old carving tools. "I would love to get carved. I know where a couple shops are that still do it." You sigh.

He looks down at you. "You have tattoos though."

"It's supposed to be a whole different experience."

He hums. "Could I come watch?" There's a strange expression on his face that you can't quite place.

"Sure. If I ever find the time to decide what I want."

"How do you decide what to get for a tattoo?"

"Well, it's something that's going to be on your body forever. I picked things that drew my eye because of their beauty. And things that I kept going back to because of one thing or another. Words or images that resonate deep within my soul."

He never said anything about your tattoos, being more enthralled by the metal piercing your skin than the ink beneath it.

"I guess that makes sense."

You smile. He doesn't understand. And that's okay. You grew up in a society that was more lax about such things than he did. There were still all the negative connotations of them back stateside but they were becoming more accepted. You still chose to get them in places you could easily cover for the most part.

"But what about the ones on your back? You can't see them."

"I don't need to see them to know they're there." You smile up at him.

You feel Atsumu put his chin on top of your head to look over at the case you are standing in front of.

"Trying to lure him over to the dark side?" He chuckles.

"No. Just explaining why I got them. I would never talk someone into getting a tattoo."

Atsumu scoffs. "You almost got me to."

You roll your eyes and take a deep breath. "You were already thinking about it."

He hums. "Fair point."

"You have tattoos?" Sakusa asks softly.

You turn to him and Atsumu takes a step back. "Yeah, a few."

"More like thirty."

You turn sharply to Bokuto. You study his disturbingly blank expression briefly before turning back around. "My dad didn't like it, but I was a rebellious teenager for a lot of them. What better way to piss him off?" You shrug.

"Wasn't your dad a cop?"

You laugh at Atsumu's mocking tone. "He was. Hated every single one of them."

Both of them chuckle before moving on. You wait to give them a little more space before moving on. You intertwine your fingers with Bokuto's and lead him to the next exhibit.

He remains quiet for most of the trip, just asking questions here and there, mostly about the other two. His uncharacteristic quietness unsettles you slightly, but not enough to ask him about it at the museum.

When you've gone through the whole museum, you all meet back out in the front. Atsumu offers to walk Sakusa home and that makes you smile. You watch them walk away before turning to Bokuto.

"I'm tired. I think I'm just gonna go home."

You stutter slightly. You thought he was going to spend the night again, but it seems he changed his mind at some point. "Do you want to come over for a little while?"

He sighs. He looks down at you. There's a hint of disdain there. And you don't like that.

You take a deep breath and walk away. You didn't like that. Not one bit. Why was acting so strangely? He got this far off look on his face when he made that comment about your tattoos and it stayed on his face the rest of the trip.

Did he not like them? He never said anything about them. Never even made a comment about the style or colors or _anything._

Your breathing quickens as does your pace. Thankfully you don't live too far and you can just have your breakdown when you walk through the door. The knots in your chest begin to tighten.

He didn't like them.

They were once something you were so proud of, unafraid to show them off. That changed a little when you moved to Japan, but you got over it. You knew they were there and you still loved each one. You touch your collarbone, where you got your dad's badge number when he passed.

You hear your name being called but you don't turn around. It's Bokuto. You don't like anyone seeing you like this. Even though he has already, you really don't want him to right now.

You feel a hand on your wrist and you're turned around sharply by strong hands. You look at him. That look of disdain long gone, replaced with concern. He's panting hard. You wait for him to catch his breath and get this over with. You just want to go home.

"I'm sorry."

"Okay." You can't really manage any other words.

"Look, I..." His voice trails off. He sighs. "Can we talk about this at your place?"

You turn and lead the way to your apartment. His hand moved to hold yours at some point. He intertwined your fingers and was holding tightly. You walk in silence, and not a good silence either. One filled with tension.

_'Cause here in my mind_

_Think I'm starting to try_

_I hope you can't tell_

You walk into your apartment and turn on the light. He closes the door behind you as you take off your shoes. He takes off his as you go to sit on the couch. He sits down next to you.

"I'm sorry."

"You already said that."

He hums as he fiddles with his hands, something he picked up from Akaashi. "We just have different views on tattoos is all."

"I know that. But I'm not getting rid of them just because you don't like them."

"I'd never ask you to." He finally looks up at you. "I'm sorry if I insulted them or you."

You study him. He's genuinely sorry. That doesn't make you any less mad though.

"Will you tell me about them?"

"Why?"

"So I can appreciate them the way you do."

And here you thought he was going to break up with you because you wanted more. Of course. You need to get out of your head sometimes.

You sigh as you think about it. You stand up and take off your clothes. You sigh. "Where to start?"

He stands up and looks over you in all your Technicolor glory. He touches the same collarbone you touched earlier. "This."

"It's my dad's badge number. I got it after the funeral. It meant a lot to him. And he means a lot to me. So I wanted to remember the thing he loved most: his job. It's also his handwriting."

He hums. He walks around you. He fingers glide over some words in your shoulder blade. "This."

You sigh, close your eyes, and reach up to touch your shoulder. "They're from one of my favorite songs. That song has helped me through a lot. I would often find myself saying those words to myself over and over again. Like a mantra. I got it to remind myself of that. That I can get through whatever my head is saying I can't." You open your eyes and he's back to sitting on the couch.

He holds out a hand for you to take, which you do, and he pulls you closer. His fingers trail up your side, tracing each line and detail. He's starting to understand. "This."

"My favorite animal. Something so beautiful and graceful. A force of nature. Something so majestic doesn't really need words, does it?"

He hums. He touches the side of your wrist, your only truly visible tattoo. "What's this?"

"A semi colon. A lot of people get them when they..." Your voice trails off and he looks up at you. "When they try to kill themselves. It's saying that my story didn't stop there. It went on."

His face drops a little. He's sad. And you don't like him sad, but he asked. He's quiet for a few beats before his eyes settle on a flower on top of your thigh. His fingers trace the petals. "This?"

"It's my favorite flower. It's also my birth flower back stateside."

He smiles softly. He gently turns you around. His fingers trail up your spine. It was Japanese, so he could read it clearly. "This."

You try not to shiver under his touch. "It's stupid, but it's from my favorite anime. It's just something that touched me so deeply that I... I found myself saying that when I woke up in the hospital. I wanted to be a sound soul. But I needed to work on myself to get there. So I do. I work on myself a little every day so I can have a sound soul."

He stands up. He starts to trace the image on the other shoulder blade. He didn't need to ask to know it was Tsubaki if she had a full wing instead of the half nub she tried to flap. His fingers move to another, drawing over the details.

He's no longer asking about them, just taking them in. He's going over every detail, every letter. His delicate touches give you goosebumps and make shuddering breaths leave your lips.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out where this is going.

You moan softly as he kisses the spot where your neck and shoulder meet and he wraps his arms around your waist.

"I was being an ass. Let me make it up to you," he whispers into your skin as he pulls you flush to him. He kisses that spot again and takes the soft moan as a yes.

He turns you around and places a hand on the side of your neck. The look in his eyes is sincere and full of adoration. His smile is soft as he leans down to kiss you, gently at first. You feel his hands reach down and grip your thighs tightly and he picks you up. You wrap your legs around his waist to help hold yourself up.

You break away from the kiss, not just because you need to breathe but also so he doesn't run you into a wall. You kiss his neck as he walks into the bedroom. You start to unbutton his shirt as he lays you down. You push off his shirt as he kisses a trail down your neck. You make quick work of the button and zipper on his pants and pull them down along with his underwear.

He nibbles at your collarbone as he unhooks your bra and pulls it off. You let your legs fall to the bed and he pulls off your panties. He kisses a trail back up to your lips as he dips a a finger inside you. You feel him smile against your lips as he removed the digit.

He lines himself up with your entrance and slowly pushes himself inside. Your tongues wrestle as he's fully inside you. He slowly thrusts his hips against you and you moan into his mouth. He puts one hand on your hip and the other slips between your bodies. He begins to rub your clit with his thumb.

You lay your head back against the bed and he nibbles your neck. It's almost a sensation overload. He fills you in a way that is neither over nor underwhelming, but just perfectly so. His nibbles provide the smallest hint of pain that is more pleasurable than anything. His thumb brings you closer to that glorious climax.

He nibbles a trail up to your ear. "I'm guessing by those moans that you're enjoying yourself."

You hum in response, incapable of words for the time being. He bites your earlobe. His pace accelerates. He lifts his head slightly and you lick the side of his neck. His face hovers above yours for a few beats before he kisses you. You bite his lip as he tries to pull away.

"Having fun?" His tongue darts out to lick your lips and he smiles around your teeth in his.

You let go of his lip as you pull him closer to you. "Flip us over and I guarantee it'll be more fun for you."

He smirks as he wraps his arms around you. He obliges your request and rolls over with you on top of him. You sit up and his smirk grows. You begin to roll your hips, a slow pace at first. You put your hands on his chest to help balance yourself.

His thumb resumes its work from before on your clit. You feel the familiar feeling of the coil in your belly tightening. Your pace quickens, as does his. He starts to thrust, meeting your pace on the first try. His soft moans mix with yours as he sits up and wraps his arm around your waist.

Your breathing quickens as you can feel that climax coming closer. You can tell he is too by the look on his face. You wrap an arm around his shoulders as you kiss him. Your tongues dance together as you move as fast as you can. His thumb speeds up as well along with adding pressure.

The coil is about to give way. Your moans continue to mix as the kissing becomes more and more fervent. Your movements become more frenetic. The movements of his hips become more jerky.

He groans as you orgasm around him. Your head falls back as the shudders move through your body. His hand moves from between you to you hip. You smile as you feel his cock twitch inside you, filling you up.

He chuckles softly as a hand moves up your back and lifts your head. His kiss is soft and warm. He pulls away and smiles at you. "I hope you enjoyed that as much as I did."

You sigh as you lift yourself up and his deflating member falls from you and sit back in his lap. "I'm not one for faking it. So, yes. I enjoyed myself."

His smile widens. "Good. I'd have to ask for an immediate round two if you didn't."

You chuckle. "Fair enough. I'm gonna take a shower. Care to join?"

He hums his assent as he nuzzles your neck. "I'd like that."

*****

_I'm in my head, in my head_

_Getting ahead_

_I'm in my head getting ahead of myself_

You're nervous. Why? Because it's been three weeks and you like this man more than you'd care to admit. It took him little time to break down your defenses, the walls you spent years putting up. The rate you were falling felt like a romance movie. It irritates you because you were never like that with anyone before. It annoys you so much.

But you care about him so deeply. In the little time you've had together, he's done everything in his power to make you feel comfortable with him. He's putting in so much effort and you naturally feel like you have to do the same.

You like him so much, it's insane. You don't know what to do. And that scares you. Because you always know what to do. You make plans for everything. Your backup plans have backup plans. You map out every single possibility that could occur.

But you can't do that now. Because just the thought of him being gone from your life hurts more than most anything you've experienced.

Who can you talk to about it? Your best friend at home just had a baby and is dealing with all that new motherhood shit. And your other best friend's wife just had their third child. Osamu's been weird since you started dating Bokuto. Tendou is too wrapped up in his boyfriend to care. Who else do you have to turn to?

Fucking Akaashi.

So, now you're sitting across from him at a table in a bar. You're telling him how you feel and how you're not sure what to do. You're telling him everything and he's being a good friend and nodding along as you speak. You finish your rant and take a deep breath. You look at him, hoping for guidance. But honestly, your hopes aren't set too high. His best friend is the subject of the conversation, after all.

He hums as he thinks for a bit. He looks up at you. "And this is really how you feel?"

You close your eyes as you take a deep breath. "Yes."

He hums again. "Well, then. I don't see a problem."

Your head drops to the table with a thud. "Seriously?"

''It is a good thing."

"So early?" You lift your head slightly and cradle it in your hands. "It's fucking cliché."

He chuckles. "It is. But I can't really judge you on that. The same thing happened to me with Iwaizumi. And that turned out wonderfully."

You sigh. "So, what? I just roll with it?"

"That's my advice."

You take a deep breath. "I honestly expected a little more."

He hums. "I understand that. But that's all I can tell you. It helped me to do just that. It was hard to do it at first. Finally, I just let it happen. And it was beautiful. I can only hope the same goes for you."

You sigh and lift your head. You see Iwaizumi and Bokuto walk through the door and wave them over. "I see you called him."

"I'm only being a good friend."

"A meddlesome one is more like it." You scoot over and smile up at Bokuto.

He sits next to you and kisses your temple. "Hi, baby," he whispers into your hair.

You lean your head against his shoulder and smile happily. "Hajime, my darling. How are you?"

"I'm fine, grandma. How are you?" He smiles at you as Akaashi kisses his cheek.

You smile at the nickname. He calls you that because you talk like his grandma, or so he says. "Wonderful."

"You look anxious as fuck." He smiles at the waitress who brought beers for the new arrivals.

"Gee, thanks." You roll your eyes as you sit up. You smile softly as you feel Bokuto's hand on your thigh. You turn to look at him.

He's smiling, but it's one of concern. "Rough day?"

"You could say that," Akaashi chuckled into his drink as he took a sip.

Iwaizumi studies his boyfriend. "Are you meddling again?"

Akaashi shrugs and takes another sip of his drink. "Perhaps."

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes and turns to Bokuto. "So, anyway. He really did that?"

You listen as the two men talk about something someone did during practice. You're not really listening. Well, you're _listening_ to Bokuto's voice, but not really _hearing_ his words. His voice soothes the very depths of your soul in ways you've never experienced before. So you listen and drink.

You finish your drink and another one is already delivered to the table. For once, you're somewhat thankful you and Akaashi come here all the time and everyone who works there knows your faces and orders.

You feel the hand on your thigh tighten its grip then loosen. He's concerned. Fair enough. He's never had the pleasure of meeting drunk you. Lucky him.

You look up at him and smile. He smiles widely back and you try not to melt at it. Clearly, you failed because Akaashi texts you.

_You weren't kidding._

_Did you think I was?_

_No. I thought you were exaggerating._

"You two wanna talk with the rest of us or are you gonna be your weird selves all night?"

You both turn to Iwaizumi and roll your eyes.

"How was your day, darling?" You smile at him as you rest your elbow on the table and prop your chin up on your hand.

He smirked at you. "Thank God I am not alone tonight. I can just worry about getting him home."

"You act like I'm a hassle."

"When you two drink together, you are."

Bokuto laughs. "That bad, huh?"

Iwaizumi huffs. "I'm surprised their livers still function properly. Be prepared, this is a weekly thing. At the end of the night, we'll be peeling them from the booth and carrying them home."

"Hey, now." You hold up a mock defensive hand. "I can usually walk home."

He sighs as he looks at Akaashi. There is so much love in that look, it makes your heart swell. "As long as you guys have fun, I guess it's okay." He kisses Akaashi's temple.

"We always do." Akaashi smiles at him, then turns to wink at you.

You sigh. "You're getting me trashed tonight, aren't you?"

"Bokuto hasn't seen you drunk, has he?" He's amused. And that's not good for you or your liver.

"No, I have not. From what I've heard from you guys and Tsum-Tsum, it sounds like she's a hoot." He smiles down at you.

And this time you do melt. "So I'm told."

The rest of the night is spent with light hearted chatter and laughter. Akaashi's cheeks turn the predictable shade of pink they always did when he drank. Bokuto is also taking on the same shade of pink and you decide you like that color on him and commit the image to memory. Iwaizumi is always the most sober one, not really liking to drink much.

The end of the night comes and sure enough Iwaizumi carries Akaashi on his back as you part ways. You watch him walk away and can feel yourself swaying a little. You feel a hand on your waist to help steady you. You smile up at Bokuto.

"You okay, babe?" He smiles lightly down at you.

You hum and start walking. The walk always sobered you up a little. You giggle softly as he pulls you into his side and wraps an arm around you.

"You're so cute, Koutarou."

He chuckles. "Thank you. You are too."

You smile as that pink turns into a light red. "I like you a lot."

"I like you a lot, too."

You hum as you stumble slightly. He stops and looks down at you. "Sure you don't want me to carry you?" He cocks an eyebrow at you.

You smile as you reach up and cup his cheek. "I could never say no to you."

He hunches down in front of you and you get on his back. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and bury your face in his neck as his arms hook under your knees. You give light kisses as he begins to walk. You nibble lightly and he chuckles.

"What are you doing?" You can hear the smile in his voice.

"Letting you know what's to come." You giggle softly.

He hums. "Is that so?"

You take a deep breath and press your chest into his back. "You know," your voice a whisper only he can hear, "I think I'd like it if you touched my breasts more." You chuckle as he picks up the pace.

He's quiet for a little while, deep in thought. He finally speaks when he walks up the stairs to your apartment. "I'm not gonna have sex with you tonight. I hope you don't take offense to that."

You smile widely. "On the contrary." You tap his shoulders and he lets you down. You unlock the door and turn to look at him. "Your consideration and thoughtfulness are one of the reasons I find myself falling for you." You open the door and walk in, leaving him there with his jaw slack.

You take off your shoes and walk to your bedroom. You begin to take off your clothes as you hear the door close. You crawl into bed and look at your phone. You text Iwaizumi and let him know you're home safe and sound. You start to play solitaire, because that's about the only game drunk you can do coherently.

You hear Bokuto walk into the room and slowly take off his clothes. "You okay?" You smile at him. Your drunk brain already forgot what you said.

He didn't forget though. "Did you mean that?"

"Mean what?" You look at him thoughtfully as he gets in bed next you.

"What you just said?" He looks a little confused.

You cock your head in thought. And then you remember what you said. But drunk you and sober you are two different people. "Oh. That. Yes." You nod and smile.

He hums as that wide smile takes over his features. "Really?" He's almost vibrating with excitement.

"Yes. I wouldn't have said it otherwise."

He kisses you. He hums and drapes an arm around your shoulder. He's smiling that wide smile and watches as you melt next to him. "You're cute when you do that."

You smile softly. "Thanks." You reach up and stroke his jawline. "You're too good to me."

His smile widens, as if that was possible. "I think it's the other way around."

You hum as he pulls your legs into his lap. You sigh. There's something that's been on your mind for awhile. "I have a question. I don't want you to get offended." You pull the blanket over you.

He hums softly. "Okay. I'll try not to." He smiles, but it doesn't quite meet his eyes.

You take a deep breath. You bury your head in his chest. "So. Akaashi told me... About you guys..." Your voice trails off.

He sighs. He stays quiet for a little bit. "Okay. Well, um... What do you want to know?"

"Akaashi told me a little bit."

"When did he tell you?"

"When he asked me to go on a date with you."

He hums. "Now I see why you thought you were doing him a favor."

"I'm sorry, Koutarou. We don't have to talk about this." You sit up and study him. He's upset. And you don't like that. "I don't like seeing you upset. I really don't."

He smiles softly. "I know, babe. But I guess I should tell you about it." He sighs. "I met him at the beginning of my second year of high school. And I was just..." He exhales. "He's beautiful. I always thought so. I know you think so, too. And that's okay. Anyway. We got to know each other. And one day, I woke up and he was all I could think about. So I told him how I felt.

"And he was so sweet about it. The only real issue was that he didn't want anyone to know. But when it was just the two of us, I could do whatever. And it was nice. Before I realized it, I was in love with him. And I felt so wonderful. He was so sweet to me. And so understanding.

"We were together for a few years. He broke up with me when he met Iwaizumi. I haven't really been with anyone since." He shrugs.

You smile and sigh softly. You stroke his cheek. "I haven't dated someone in a few years. I loved him so much. And he decided that he didn't want to be with me anymore. So, I kind of get it."

"What happened?" He brushes a lock of hair behind your ear.

"I met him at a show and--"

"A show?" He cocks an eyebrow at you and grins.

You stutter. "I was in a band with my friends. We would play at some weird underground clubs and frat parties. Anyway. I met him at one of those clubs. He was really nice and sweet. I gave him my number. He was... He was everything I wanted and needed.

"He made me feel special. I fell in love with him. And it was good for a few years. And then one night, he told me that he didn't love me anymore. So, I had to move back in with my parents." You shrug.

He smiles widely. "That guy's a fucking idiot."

You smile as he kisses your neck and holds you closer. "Why did you even want to go out with me?"

"You're smart and beautiful. You're funny. You're interesting. Why would I not want to go out with you? You're amazing." He's got that wide smile that melts you.

You don't even have words. You just stare at him. You stutter slightly. You just melt under his adoring gaze. His arms tighten around you to keep you up.

He hums softly. "You don't believe all those things." He sees right through you. "You should. Because you deserve the best. You need to know that you're amazing." He smiles happily.

You just sigh and smile. "You're the one who's amazing. I'm just lucky to be with you.

_I'm in my head, in my head_

_Getting ahead_

_I'm in my head getting ahead of myself_


	3. Chapter 3

_The closer we get, the further I am_

_The words that I meant are stuck in my chest_

Once again, Bokuto is late. But on top of that, so were Akaashi and Iwaizumi. The latter two sometimes did arrive late when coming together. You understood wholeheartedly; you were honestly surprised they were able to keep their hands to themselves all the time.

You're waiting at the bar for them. You sigh as you look at your phone. It's been forty-five minutes and none of them had showed. You now resign yourself to drinking alone. You didn't really mind, per se. You were mad because you didn't plan this, Akaashi did. You were just mad that none of them even bothered to let you know that they got held up or they had to cancel. No word. None.

Another half an hour rolls by and you feel a tap on your shoulder. You turn to see Sakusa standing there.

"Hello, Sakusa. How are you?" You smile softly at the man.

"I, uh... I need your help."

You sigh. "My boyfriend or yours?"

"Both?" He seems to cower slightly under your glare. You feel kind of bad, but you think he knows that's it's not directed at him.

You groan. You pay your tab and allow him to lead you out of the bar. You walk in silence to Atsumu's apartment. He opens the unlocked door and you are greeted with raucous laughter.

You groan and scan the room. There's a few teammates you recognize but don't remember the names of. Your gaze falls to the ground to see Bokuto and Atsumu in the middle of probably the most idiotic argument you've ever heard and immediately tune them out.

You turn to Sakusa. "Why am I needed?"

"They won't leave," he says softly.

You sigh at the shy man and smile softly. You turn back to the gaggle of morons in front of you. "Oi! Assholes!"

All attention turns to you. Bokuto smiles widely and gets up to hug you. Despite your anger, you gently pat his back.

"Time to go home, dickheads."

There's a collective groan and they begin to help each other up and stumble out of the door. Finally it's just the four of you and Bokuto is back on the floor with Atsumu.

"My girlfriend is so pretty, bro." His words are so slurred you barely understand.

Atsumu inhales sharply as he eyes you. "I think she's pissed at us, man."

He chuckles then turns to you, seeing just how right Atsumu was. "Oh, shit." He sighs. "I am _so_ sorry."

You scoff as you gesture for him to get up and leave with you. "You weren't the only one to stand me up tonight. Let's take you home."

He gets up sadly, hanging his head. You turn to Sakusa and smile as you usher Bokuto out of the door. You wrap an arm around his waist to help keep him steady. His apartment wasn't too far from Atsumu's so you didn't have to hold him up long.

You walk in silence to his building. He hands you his keys as he slings an arm around your shoulders. You think about brushing him off but you don't. You unlock the front door to the building and walk to the elevator. He leans down and kisses the top of your head as you press the button for his floor. He's whispering quiet apologies into your hair. The elevator stops and you get off onto his floor.

"I'm sorry, baby. Don't be mad at me anymore," he whispers into your hair lower than before.

You turn the key in the lock and open the door. "Come on. Let's get you into bed."

"Will you be joining me?" He kisses your temple and you feel his lips curve into a smile.

"Maybe."

He giggles as you close the door behind you. You slip off your shoes as he lazily kicks his off. He steps away from you and stumbles through his apartment as he takes off his clothes. You sigh and follow after him, picking up the discarded garments as you go. You smile softly as he plops onto his bed. You pull his phone from his pants pocket drop the clothes into a hamper by the door.

You walk to the side of the bed and try your best to pull him up to the pillows. He finally drags himself up after feeling your several failed attempts.

He turns to face you and reaches out to grab your jacket as you put his phone on the nightstand. "Get in bed." His voice was low and somewhat lazy. His words were still slurred but not as much as before. He's got an apologetic look on his face.

You roll your eyes. "Fine." You smile as he giggles excitedly. You walk over to the other side of the bed and take off your clothes. You turn back to see him smiling widely at you.

Even drunk, that smile is still beautiful and melts you.

"Hi, baby," he whispers as you crawl into bed next to him. He kisses your forehead as an arm slithers over your waist.

"Hi, Koutarou." You wrap an arm around his waist.

At one point in time, you noticed that saying his given name had the same effect on him as his smile had on you. And you relished in it whenever he melted.

You smile as he melts into a puddle next to you.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you. I'm an ass."

You wave off his words with a nonchalant hand. "It's okay, babe." You stopped being mad the moment he melted into your arms.

"I'd make it up to you now, but I'm so tired." He smiles lazily. "I'll make it up to you tomorrow."

"That's fine." You brush some of his hair, because for once it was down, from his forehead.

He hums softly. He whispers your name.

You hum and smile at him.

"I love you." He smiles that lazy grin and drifts off to sleep.

What.

The.

_Fuck._

He just says that and goes to sleep? Jesus Christ, okay. _That_ happened.

You slowly lean over the edge of the bed and get your phone. There's a missed call from Akaashi. You call him back.

He answers almost immediately. "Where are you?"

"After almost an hour and a half, I left. Mainly because Sakusa came to the bar."

"Oh, dear." You hear him relay the words to Iwaizumi. There's a brief silence and then you hear the noises of the city streets. "What happened?"

"I didn't just get stood up by you guys but my boyfriend, too." You look down at Bokuto's sleeping form.

"I am so sorry." Iwaizumi sighs.

"It's fine. Half the team was at Atsumu's apartment and they were _trashed._ Like, super trashed. And apparently, no one was leaving. Sakusa was the only sober one, it seemed." You sigh.

"Of course. And I'll bet your genius boyfriends were at the center of it." Still Iwaizumi. Either he has the phone, or it was on speaker. You assume speaker because of all the background noise.

"And you being you, you commanded the room." Akaashi.

"Yeah. They finally left. And that's when Bo finally realized he had stood me up." You roll your eyes and look back down at him.

"Nice to know we're not the only assholes." Iwaizumi snorts.

"I took him to his place and now he's sleeping." You bite your lip, wondering if you should tell them. Fuck it. "He told me he loves me then passed out."

A gasp. Then silence. A long silence. You hear them whisper excitedly to each other. You chuckle softly as they argue slightly over what to say. You turn to see Bokuto stir slightly and then snuggle closer to you.

It had been almost two months since your first date. He's still being just as sweet and considerate as he was that first night. You had fallen into a good rhythm with each other. Everything was going well.

You're pulled from your reverie by Akaashi.

"Do you love him?"

"Yes." Immediate response. No hesitation.

"Good. He's still sleeping?"

"Yeah. Why?" You get a sinking feeling in your chest. "You better not wake him up."

He sighs. "Fine. Fine. I was going to suggest we come over..." His voice trails off.

"You're already here, aren't you?"

You hear the door open and groan. You hang up and see a flashlight turn on to find a light switch. You chuckle as you hear Iwaizumi's grumbles get closer.

You smile at him as he plops down on top of your legs. "Long day?" You reach down and run your fingers through his hair.

He grumbles into the blankets as Akaashi walks in, stopping to turn on the light. He chuckles at the sight and pulls out his phone. "Why, all of my favorite people in one bed? It must be my birthday." He smiles at the screen and pockets his phone. He walks up to the bed and leans over Bokuto's ear. "Bokuto, get up." He straightens as the other man stirs.

Bokuto lifts his head. He looks at you questioningly. "Why are they here?"

"They feel bad about ditching me, too. But they apparently didn't get the memo when I said you were drunk already."

He groans as he sits up. He glares at Akaashi. "Why'd you wake me up?" He leans his head against your shoulder and snakes an arm around your back to rest at your hip.

"Because we were all jerks. And she needed us today." He sits down and looks away from you sadly.

"Why?" Iwaizumi and Bokuto say in unison.

"Because it's the anniversary of my dad's death and my mom doesn't remember me."

Both men lift their heads and look at you, then hang their heads low. Iwaizumi scoots up your body and wraps his arms around your waist. You run your fingers through his hair as Bokuto kisses your cheek and whispers he's sorry over and over again.

"It's okay. Shit happens." You watch as Akaashi puts a paper bag on the bed then leaves the room. "Straws! If he has any!"

"I brought some!"

You hear a cupboard open then close. He comes back with four cups. "You saint of a man." You turn to Bokuto. "I think you've had enough but if you _really_ want to drink with us, I'll make you a light beverage."

He chuckles as he turns to rearrange the pillows and sits against them. He turns back to you. "What are we drinking?"

"Tequila." You fake heave. "The kind my dad drank."

"Took me forever to find it." Akaashi rolls his eyes as he pulls the blue and clear bottle from the paper bag. He hands you the bottle.

You eye it fondly. "I told you what store to go to. You thought you knew better."

"I did." He sighs and his shoulders sink as he takes off his jacket.

"Is that my shirt?"

You turn to Bokuto, who's eyeing your back intently. "Yes." He nods, satisfied with the answer. You turn back to the bottle in your hands.

"How did he die?"

You turn to Iwaizumi. He's sitting up now and you criss cross your legs. He mirrors your action, still sitting close to you. "He died on the job. Robbery." You sigh as you open the bottle. Akaashi holds out two cups and you pour liberal amounts into both. "The funeral was the worst part. All those other cops telling me how great my dad was. As if I didn't know."

Iwaizumi picks up the other two cups. You fill one with the same amount as the previous two and the fourth with half the amount. "I'm sorry."

You shrug. "It's okay. Daddy always said he'd rather die on the job than any other way. To him, it was an honor. A glorious death, if you will."

Akaashi hums as he hands a cup to Bokuto and reaches to the ground to pick up an orange juice container. He pours into each glass, filling them the rest of the way up. "I doubt that made it any easier for you." He watches as Iwaizumi hands you a glass and the other he had to Bokuto, who eagerly traded the glass he had.

Akaashi then places a straw in each glass as you start to speak. You stir the drink with the straw and the others seem to follow your lead on that.

"No. But he always said what kind of father would he be if he hadn't prepared his only child for his death. So, every time a cop died, he took me to the funerals. To talk to their families and stuff. That helped, but it's still hard. Him not being here." You look at Bokuto and stroke his cheek. You smile as he leans his face into your touch.

You turn back to the other two. You raise your glass and they all raise theirs. You take a deep breath. " _Salud_." You all take large gulps and groan simultaneously. "How Daddy drank this is beyond me." You take a smaller sip through the straw and the taste is much more bearable.

You sigh as you turn to Bokuto. "I lied before." A silly thought that's been weighing you down since the first date.

He gives you a confused look. "About what?"

"About being the ace. I just so hate that term." You take another sip.

You pull out your phone and go through your texts until you find Osamu. He sent you a video of one of your college games and it made you cringe then just as much as it does now. You turn on the video and place it in the middle of the bed so they can all watch. After watching the short clip, they turn to you.

"You were good, babe." Bokuto's got that wide grin on his face and it has you melting almost immediately.

You notice Akaashi going through the texts with Osamu as you answer. "I guess so." You shrug.

Akaashi finds another video in the texts and that has you cringe even more. His head shoots up at you. "You did ballet?"

You shrug again. "Yeah. Until I was twelve. I quit because boobs."

"This was recently." He points down to the phone.

Iwaizumi grabs it and put in in the middle of the group again so he and Bokuto can watch together.

"When I get really stressed, it helps. I find an empty room at the gym, turn on Tchaikovsky, and dance. That is Sleeping Beauty."

"Like the Disney movie?"

You smile at Bokuto. "Yes. The music from the movie is actually from the ballet."

Akaashi hums. "Why did Osamu film you?"

You roll your eyes. "Because he's weird and likes to watch me dance."

"Will you dance for us?" Iwaizumi took a sip from his straw.

You groan. "I don't have my shoes. Some of those moves are hard without shoes." You get up anyway. You sigh and you take a deep breath. You quickly move through the five positions, then pirouette a few times. You take a quick bow as they clap for you.

"Can we watch you really dance though? Like that?" Iwaizumi points to the phone.

"Sure. 'Samu's been talking about wanting more friends anyway."

Akaashi's still going through your texts and it's making you nervous. He knows that at one point you and Osamu slept together. For several months in fact. And it's like he's trying to find the proof of it now. He hums as his eyes bulge slightly.

And he found it. You sigh and take your phone. You close all the apps down and lock your phone.

"Do I even wanna know?" Bokuto cocks an eyebrow at you as he lazily sips from his drink.

"Probably not."

Akaashi is still blushing and turns to Iwaizumi. He covers the side of his face so Bokuto couldn't see him mouth "dick pic." He turns to Bokuto. "You can ask her about it later."

He hums. He's got that look in his eye that says he knows what's going on. "How many guys have you slept with?"

Iwaizumi gets up and drags a protesting Akaashi away into the living room. Probably because the only person more prone to violent reactions than him is you.

"You don't want to know the answer." You study his face.

He's asking because he _genuinely_ wants to know. He's not mad or jealous--yet. But that's not really a line you're willing to cross.

"I'll tell you how many people I've slept with."

You groan. "You really don't want to know." _People._ You experimented in college.

It's his turn to study you. You're not sure what he's looking for. Or even if he finds it when he finally speaks. "That many, huh?"

Well, then. That hurt more than expected. Your free hand clenches into a fist then relaxes.

He catches the movement. "I'm sorry." He sighs. "It's hard, I guess... Imagining you with someone else. And it's..." He pauses for a moment and looks down at the cup in his hand, stirring its contents with the straw. "I know that you're with me now, but I keep getting this nagging thought that I'm not good enough at that stuff. Like, you're _really_ good at it. And that's _awesome._ But then I think about who else you might've done that with and I get... Jealous." He shrugs.

_The closer we get, the further I am_

_You're under my skin, I hope you can't tell_

You look away from him, a little too frustrated to look directly at him. Your phone buzzes and he picks it up. He sighs and hands it to you. Osamu had texted you.

_Hey. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I know what today is and I just wanted you to know that I'm here for you._

You sigh and put the phone down. You take a large sip of your drink. Then another. Then another.

"Wanna talk about it?"

You turn to see him studying you, face full of concern. "I'd rather talk about it tomorrow when I know you'll remember the conversation." You try to keep the bite of venom out of your voice.

He nods. "Okay. That's fine." He sighs and leans in to kiss your cheek. "I love you. Nothing's changing that, I hope you know."

You sigh contently and feel the tension leave your body almost immediately. "I know. But it's like you said, there's this nagging feeling that one day you'll wake up and you'll realize that I'm not good enough." You hear Iwaizumi angrily grunt in the other room. Clearly, he didn't like that train of thought.

And neither did Bokuto. He hums at you as he pushes your hair over your shoulder so it lays against your back. The look on his face is filled with confusion and adoration. "Well, that's stupid. You're more than good enough. You're perfect." He kisses your shoulder then cheek. He rests his chin on your shoulder and your faces are inches apart. "You know, I've said it twice now and you haven't said back." He smiles lazily.

"Jesus, you didn't give me any time to respond the first time!" You playfully shove him away and he giggles. "And now that you're _demanding_ it, I won't say it back."

"Do you guys even really fight or do they all just evaporate at sweet words?" Iwaizumi leans against the door frame and Akaashi stands next to him, sipping his drink.

"We do." Bokuto chuckles as he pats the bed for them to come back.

They come back to sit in the bed and the three of them begin talking about... Honestly, you aren't listening. You're too engrossed in the image of this family you've created with them. You open your phone back up and turn the camera facing you, then hold it an arm's length away to get a good shot of all of them. You notice they were still talking, but had turned with wide smiles to your phone. You take the picture and look at it. You send it to Osamu along with a text saying, _My family is taking care of me._

Bokuto kisses your cheek and you turn to face him. He's smiling that wide smile and you can't help but melt at the sight. You run your fingers through his hair and his smile grows wider.

"I love you," you whisper as you stroke his cheek.

He's vibrating with excitement as he turns to the other two. "Did you guys hear that?"

They both roll their eyes and continue on with their conversation. You shake your head as your phone vibrates. You look down and check it. It's a message from someone else you considered family here in Japan.

_Hey grly. Wondering how u r. Uve been busy since u caught a wild Bokuto hahaha_

You laugh as Bokuto rests his chin on your shoulder. "Who's Tendou Satori?"

Iwaizumi perks up at the name. "You know him?"

You nod. "Yeah. He was the first friend I made here." You also chuckle to yourself because more often than not, he's your drug dealer.

Akaashi eyes you knowingly, because he knows that you stopped doing drugs when you started dating Bokuto. "Sure he is."

"Jealousy isn't a good color on you." You chuckle again. The alcohol is starting to get to you. Getting Bokuto home had sobered you up some, but not enough apparently.

Iwaizumi looks at Akaashi and the two have a silent conversation before Iwaizumi nods and looks back to you. "Do I even want to know how you met him?"

You laugh loudly. "A shady bar. I managed to attract all the attention of every man in that place and he came to my rescue."

He laughs. "Sounds like you." He looks at Akaashi then back at you. He looks like he wants to say something but tries to bite his tongue. "What kind of drugs did you guys do together?" He finally blurts out.

You laugh again. "Hallucinogens, mostly." You turn to Bokuto. "I don't anymore."

He cocks his head. "Like what? What does it feel like?"

You purse your lips and think about it for a few beats. "We'd mostly do 'shrooms. It's like... All the colors are brighter. And you feel light and weightless. And everything has this prism like aura to it. My favorite thing would be to look at the moon and just be in awe of the rainbow halo it had. Everything feels better. Like, one time, he got this new blanket and I rubbed it against my cheek for twenty minutes because it was so soft." You sigh.

Akaashi giggles. He's already on his second drink. "It's like everything makes you happy. And you just melt into whatever you're sitting on."

Iwaizumi groans. "Of course, you talked this idiot into doing it with you."

You shrug. "It was just the one time. He told me you said it was okay." You sigh and watch him turn to Akaashi and then melt when he flashes a wide smile. You watch fondly as he scoots closer and puts an arm around him.

You turn back to Bokuto. "It's fun. It's a nice escape when shit gets rough."

He hums and tilts his head to kiss your shoulder. "I see."

You study him for a little while. His brow is furrowed underneath his hair and his eyes have that far off look in them he gets when he's deep in thought. You kiss his forehead and he comes back briefly to smile widely at you before disappearing into his thoughts again.

You turn back to the other two and they're giggling, huddled together. You notice that Akaashi's drink is gone and Iwaizumi's is filled more than before. He must've finished his first one when you weren't looking.

"Okay, you two. Go to bed." You shoo them away with a gesture. "I'll make breakfast in the morning."

The two men hum and walk out of the room, saying goodnight before turning off the light and closing the door. You notice they took the alcohol with them. You turn back to Bokuto, who is still deep in thought on your shoulder.

"Hey," you adjust you shoulder to nudge him. You watch as he sits up and takes both your empty cups and put them on the nightstand on his side. "What are you thinking about?"

He hums as he settles back into bed. "You. And how _painfully_ inexperienced I am compared to you at life." He doesn't look at you, instead focusing on the light switch on the opposite wall.

"You're not, though?" You cock your head at him in confusion.

He finally chances a glance at you. "You've had more partners than I have. You've done drugs."

You sigh. This again. "Yeah. That doesn't necessarily mean experience. Most guys do the same shit during sex. My guess, regardless of how many partners I've had, is that you've had just as much sex as I have. I mean, look at you." You sigh as you get into his lap, your legs straddling him. "You are _sexy._ I bet you had _everyone_ fawning over you. I bet you _still_ do." You smile as the corners of his lips twitch up slightly.

You stroke his cheek as you continue. "And what's different than with my previous partners, I am able to keep myself in the moment with you during sex. My mind doesn't drift off. Trust me when I say, you're better than _anyone_ else I've been with."

And it's not a lie. He is by far the greatest lover you've had. He's attentive and loving, managing to put so much emotion into sex. Did he do everything you like? No. But the relationship is still _relatively_ new and you don't need to worry about kinks just yet.

His hands settle on your hips, thumbs tracing over the crest of your hip bones. His smile is wide and his face is full of relief. "You mean that?" He looks up at you.

You nod. "Yeah. I wouldn't say it otherwise. So stop worrying about it." You smile at him. "And as for the drugs part, that doesn't matter to me."

He presses his hands into the small of your back and makes you lean forward. He kisses you softly and gently. "You're amazing."

You feel the blood rush to your face and you stutter a little. Why is he _so_ sweet?

He chuckles softly. He sits up and captures your lips in a kiss once more. You feel his hips thrust into you as your tongue traces his bottom lip. You lean back a little and smirk at him. He smirks back and you feel your heart almost stop at the sight.

He leans into you and lays you down. He kisses your neck as your legs press into his sides. He snakes a hand up your shirt and his fingers find your nipple, making light passes over it. His teeth sink into your shoulder as his fingers pinch your nipple. You hiss out a breath followed by a moan.

He lifts his head and looks down at you. He kisses your cheek and chuckles. "I didn't think this through."

You laugh. "Oh, baby." You stroke his cheek and make a mock pout. "It's okay. It happens to everyone."

He sighs and sits up in between your legs. You plant your feet on the bed and he rests his chin on your knee. "You're not mad?"

You roll your eyes. "Why would I be?"

He smiles down at you. "Let me make it up to you." He smirks at you and it seems to grow as you feel your face growing hot.

"You don't have to."

"But I want to."

You sigh. "Just add it to the list for tomorrow."

He hums as he leans down, settling back on top of you. "Are you sure? 'cause I've got something good in mind right now."

You stroke his cheek. "Baby. I love you. But tequila makes me sick. I'd rather go to sleep."

He chuckles. "Alcohol never makes you sick."

You nod. You've been blessed with a body that hardly ever gets hungover, with the most ever happening being light and sound sensitivity. He'd caught on quick that no matter how much you drank, that you'd be fine in the morning.

"Tequila does. That's why I hardly ever drink it." You smile as he rolls over to lay next to you.

He kisses your cheek. "I love you too." He adjusts the blanket around you both. "I guess I'll take care of you in the morning."

You sigh as he wraps his arms around you. "I'll throw up and be okay. It just might take awhile."

He kisses your temple. "I'll still take care of you."

You hum as your arms squeeze his middle tightly. "You're too good to me."

******

_I'm in my head, in my head_

_Getting ahead_

_I'm in my head getting ahead of myself_

Sure enough, he took care of you when your head was practically in the toilet. He put your hair up and brought you water and rubbed your back. God, he made you feel more loved this morning than you ever had in your entire life.

You had made breakfast for the four of you. Iwaizumi and Akaashi did the dishes after the meal, then left. They had plans with one of their families, honestly you couldn't remember. Your head hurts so bad.

When they finally leave, you turn to Bokuto and smile softly. "Can we take a bubble bath?"

He sighs happily. "Yeah, babe. Let's go." He takes your hand and leads you into the bathroom.

You were eternally grateful to whatever deity you made happy to get him. He has a large bathtub, probably big enough for several people. You could lay in it fully submerged.

Ah, yes. You love a good bubble bath.

You slowly take off your clothes as he turns the water to a comfortable temperature. You sit in the tub with the slowly rising water, wrapping your arms around your knees and your forehead resting on them. You hear him open a bottle then pour it in the tub. You hear the shuffling of fabric and then feel him step in behind you. He pulls you until your back is against his chest. You feel his arms wrap around you as he leans his head against your shoulder.

"You okay?"

You shrug. "I don't know. It's... Hard. Dealing with everything. I _planned_ on being here with my mom today. And... She barely has any good days anymore. And I can't take care of her. She still thinks Daddy's alive. I can't take that away from her." You sigh. "On top of that, I guess I owe you explanations on the relationships, or lack thereof, I've had since I've been here."

The water has finally risen to a what you deem a good level and you reach to turn off the faucet.

He kisses your shoulder. "We don't have to talk about that today. I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about it."

You take a deep and somewhat shaky breath. "It's okay. You're a little possessive and get jealous easily. I don't mind. You don't beat me when that gets overwhelming. And that's all I ask for."

He raises his head. You can feel his gaze pouring into you. "Why would you say something like that?"

You sigh. "My ex did that. And it got bad. But I'm not entirely an idiot. I defended myself. I got him as good as he got me."

He turns you slightly and you rest your head against the edge of the tub. You notice his brow is furrowed so heavily. He sighs your name and rubs his chin. "Your dad was a cop. How did you keep it from him?"

"I didn't. He found out one night we ended up in the hospital. He broke my arm and I fractured his cheekbone. That was also the night he found out my dad was a cop."

"And you stayed with him?"

You nod. "I did. Regardless of what was happening, I loved him. He was just so passionate about everything, often to the point of violence. I didn't see it as bad."

He sighs. He cocks his head in thought. "Was he the one who said he didn't love you anymore?"

You nod. "Yeah. That's him."

He rests his elbow on your knee and props his head up on his hand. "What happened with the guy you texted last night? The one you used to do drugs with?"

You can't help but laugh at his choice of words. "Satori, yeah. I met him the first night I was here. My uncle insisted on us staying with him for a bit when we came here. He wanted to make the transition easier for me. So, we arrive at his penthouse fucking apartment and we get settled in. I wanted to go out though. I tried to talk my cousin into coming with me but he didn't want to. After some convincing, I was finally _allowed_ to go out. I'm a grown ass goddamn woman. My dad taught me self-defense. I'm fully capable of protecting myself.

"Anyway, he gives me some places I can go to, but that's not what I wanted. I like the seedy type bars. Drinks are usually cheaper. Hardly anyone does karaoke so I'd have the stage to myself if I wanted. He finally caved and gave me a couple places. I find the one I wanted easily. I go in and there's only a few other women there. That's fine with me. It was also a Wednesday night, so it wasn't all that crowded.

"Eventually, I drink up enough courage to go to the stage and sing. And all eyes are on me. Because I'm actually a good singer. I _was_ in a band." You shrug and smile. "When I sit back at the bar, I'm immediately flanked by guys. I wasn't looking for anyone to keep me company that night. I just wanted to drink in peace.

"After about ten minutes of being pestered by these guys, this skinny redhead comes up and puts his arm around me. He kisses my temple and says "sorry I'm late, babe." I immediately put my arm around him and go with it. The other dudes leave me alone. I turn to him and he's got this dumb grin on his face. I say, "don't leave my side tonight. I'll buy your drinks." He just laughs and agrees.

"We get to talking and eventually he gets me to tell him my whole life's fucking story. And he does the same. We just click. Eventually, we go to leave and he asks me if I wanted to come over. To do drugs, naturally. We get to his place, smoke, and just melt into the fucking couch. We're still talking about life and such.

"I can tell he's flirting with me. And that's fine. He's cute enough. I finally decide to sleep with him. And it's good. It's not earth shattering or anything like that. But he understood my needs and I understood his. We stay in touch. He becomes my plug. We hook up a few more times. We're just friends now. Have been for awhile. I only hooked up with him for a couple months."

You study him. He's got a stern look on his face. He's in thought. He isn't mad. He's listening to you. He's trying not to form opinions about any of it.

You sigh and continue. "A couple months after I got here, after I was finally settled in my apartment and my job, I found a gym. I met the Miyas the first time I went. I liked Osamu better than Atsumu. We got on better, I guess. We became fast friends. Whenever I was at the gym, I'd text him and ask if he was there. If he was, we'd work out together. We started hanging out outside of the gym.

"One night, he texted me if I was at the gym. I told him I was and that I was in one of the empty classrooms. It had been a rough day. I went to see my mom and I just... I just needed some type of release. Ballet always made me feel better. I guess at some point he came in and was watching me. I finished my little routine and saw him standing at the door with this weird look on his face. I took out my earphones and just stared at him." You chuckle softly before continuing.

"He crossed that room so fucking quickly that I didn't have time to truly react to him. He just looks down at me and kisses me. So fucking aggressively. He smirked down at me and asks me if I wanted to come over. I say yes. The moment we walk in the door, he's all over me. If I'm being honest, he's _probably_ the second best sex I've ever had." You sigh and study him. He's studying you too. He gestures for you to continue.

"For a couple of months, it's like that. And I caught feelings. I kind of thought he had too. I mean, he became someone I could talk to about anything and everything. I mean, I can talk to Akaashi and Iwaizumi, but they're a little judgey. 'Samu's judgey too, but less so. I mean, I could've come over in the middle of the night crying and he'd take care of me.

"But anyway, I thought he felt the same. So I told him. And he did _not_ feel the same. _At all._ He made it clear that he did like me but not in the same way. He liked how we were. It was _easy._ But I wanted more. So I stopped sleeping with him. Our friendship was strained for awhile. And honestly, I think that's why Akaashi pushed so hard for us to get together." You stroke his cheek and he smiles softly. "I think he knew that you'd be good for me. And you are. You are _so_ perfect. I'm really fucking lucky."

He turns his face to kiss your palm. He's still smiling. "I'm glad you told me."

You look at him somewhat incredulously. "You are taking this very well."

He shrugs and turns you back around with your back to him. "I guess I realized that you only have eyes for me. I don't have to worry."

You chuckle as he pushes down on your shoulders lightly so your hair would go under the water. You lift your head up and hear him squirt shampoo into his hand. You close your eyes and sigh happily as he massages your scalp.

"I love you. So fucking much." You hum as he gently pushes on your shoulders again. You smile as he continues to massage your scalp under the water. You open your eyes and look up at him.

He's smiling that wide smile and you sigh contently at the sight. He leans down at kisses you. You lift your head and grab the conditioner and pour some into your hands. You rub it into your hair.

"I love you too." He sighs and props his elbow on the edge of the tub then leans his head against his fist. "More than I could ever be able to put into words."

You smile widely as you lean into him. "Why don't you try?" You aren't really serious, but he clearly takes it seriously.

He wraps his arms around you as he leans back against the wall of the tub. You turn to look up at him as he stares at the bubbles, deep in thought. You crane your neck to kiss his jaw. He smiles softly at the action.

"I was kidding, Bo. You don't have to try."

He chuckles. "It's okay. I kinda like the idea of telling you just how much I truly do love you." He hums. "Okay. So..." He chuckles again. "The only dumb thing I can think to say is that I love you more than volleyball." He shrugs.

You sit up and turn to him. You stroke his cheek. "Baby, that's so sweet. That's all I need to hear." You lean in and kiss him. You turn back around and dip your head into the water. You smile up at him as he helps you rinse out your hair.

You sit back up and pull all your hair over one shoulder. You pull your knees back to your chest as you try to think of a good way to quantify your love to him. You feel him sit up and press his lips to your neck.

"What are you thinkin' about?" His breath is hot on your neck.

You sigh. "I want to try and quantify my love for you the way you did."

He hums and it vibrates down your spine. "You don't have to."

"I know, but I want to. I'd do anything for you. I hope you know that."

"I do." He peppers your neck and shoulder with kisses. He starts nibbling on your skin.

You sigh and close your eyes. You focus on his actions and hope they'll give you inspiration. You can see the marks forming in your mind. He's never done that before, marking you in a way that proclaims to the world that you belong to him.

Hmm. That's something you've never been okay with before. You never really liked it before when your exes would say that you belonged to them, like a possession. You don't belong to anyone but yourself.

But the thought of allowing yourself to be possessed by _him_ isn't something that makes you angry like it did before. You don't just belong _with_ him, but you belong _to_ him. You're his and he's yours.

You're pulled from your reverie by a particularly hard bite to the spot where your shoulder meets your neck. It didn't hurt. It was just unexpected. He never really did anything like that before. There was that bite last night, but the mark was gone by the time you woke up. You wonder what's gotten into him, but you hold off asking.

_I'm in my head, in my head_

_Getting ahead_

_I'm in my head getting ahead of myself_

You smile softly. "I'm yours." Your voice comes out barely above a whisper.

And that stops him dead in his tracks. His breathing quickens for a few breaths. You feel his arms wrap around your waist and hold onto tightly, almost like he's afraid you're going to get up and bolt.

He stays quiet for a long time, just holding you. Finally, he lifts his head and whispers, "I don't think you realize how happy you just made me." He nuzzles his face into your hair behind your ear.

You turn slightly, his lips meeting your jaw. "Let's go lay down. Okay?"

He smiles widely and gets out as you scoot forward and pull the plug from the drain. You stand and turn to see him standing there with a towel extended to you. You get out and take the towel. You both dry off. You turn slightly and look in the mirror. You sigh as you turn to him.

"Really?"

He chuckles. "I'm not done yet." He steps closer and looks down at you with hooded eyes.

You roll your eyes. "Fine. Expect the same."

He smirks. "Good."

You drop the towel and head back into the bedroom. You chuckle as he crashes into you and picks you up. You giggle softly as he drops you into the bed. He pouts slightly as you scoot away and pull the covers over you and lay your head on the pillow. You roll over, your back to him. He whimpers softly as he gets into bed and pulls you close to him.

He nuzzles his face into your neck. "And here I thought we'd have sex."

You chuckle. "Nah. I just wanna snuggle while you continue."

He laughs and it echoes through you. You put your hair up and you feel him smile against your shoulder. You sigh and close your eyes as he bites down, relatively hard again, and then swipes his tongue across the indentations.

"What's gotten into you all of a sudden?" You hum softly as he sucks at a spot at the back of your neck.

He hums back and you feel it through your whole body. "You're mine. I've thought that since that first night. And after all you've told me, I just want everyone to know that. I guess I should've asked if it was okay."

"It's fine. I was just wondering. You've never done it before."

He wraps his arm around your waist. "Good. 'cause I'm _probably_ gonna mark you all over."

"If that's what you wish to do, my love."

His fingers twitch a little against your ribs and then grip you tight. He rolls you over. He smiles softly at you and leans his forehead against yours. "You don't feel like doing anything today, do you?"

You sigh and shake your head. "Unfortunately, my love, no. No, I do not. I'm sorry." You smile sadly at him as you cup his cheek. "I kind of just want to curl up and cry."

He pulls you into a tight embrace. "We can do that then. I'll take care of you."

You wrap your arms around him and hold him just as tight. You want to say thank you, but your voice comes out in choked sobs.

He is really too pure for this world, you think. He willingly put aside what he wanted to do for you. You saw through your brave bravado and noticed what you needed.

*****

_Here in my mind, already said goodbye_

_Here in my mind, I'm trying hard not to try_

You sit in your apartment, staring at the empty cage. Akaashi and Tendou sit next to you on your couch. You called them when you woke up that morning upon finding your beloved pygmy owl dead. You got rid of the remaining mice-- giving them to Tendou, who just got a pet snake. They came over to help you bury her in a nearby park you would often visit, under a tree that was similar to the one you found her under when you were a teenager. You'd have called Bokuto, but he was away for a game for a few days, hopefully being back tomorrow. But you did text him to tell him that you were going to get probably violently too high to mourn the loss of your best friend. Which he seemed to understand, simply telling you to be safe and to call him if need be.

Tendou, being the sweet and understanding soul he is, brought you edibles because he knows you prefer that to smoking. Akaashi came to be there as support. Iwaizumi sat on the floor in front of him, simply to be the sober one and to make sure the three of you didn't get into trouble. But you got the feeling he was there because he didn't think the other two would be able to properly comfort you while high.

The three of you sank into the couch awhile back and just sat glued to the television as some anime Tendou picked out plays. You lean your head against Tendou's shoulder as you watch the fight scene. You hear your stomach rumble in hunger, but don't really register it's coming from you.

Tendou giggles as he kisses the top of your head. "Hungry?"

You nod. Talking is kind of hard for you at the moment. Your tongue feels heavy in your mouth.

"What do you want to eat?" Iwaizumi turns to you from his place between Akaashi's legs.

You shrug. Honestly, you're up for anything right now. As long as it's edible.

Akaashi studies you. "You okay?"

You nod. You point to your mouth, as if to say your mouth is dry and your tongue feels like lead. Iwaizumi hands you a water bottle and you take it with a wide smile. You take a large gulp of it and it feels like paradise. You sigh happily. "Man, my mouth was dry." You roll your neck a few times to get the stiffness out of it. "I don't really care what we eat. I just need food."

Iwaizumi nods. He doesn't look like he's dealt with high people very often. "Okay. Do you want me to make something or do you want to order food?" This poor man looks so confused.

You giggle at him. "Whatever is most convenient for you."

"Let's order something so Iwaizumi doesn't have to cook for us." Tendou leans forward a little and twists to the side, popping whatever bones needed, and smiles happily.

Akaashi nods as he continues to run his fingers through Iwaizumi's hair. "What do we want?"

You open your mouth to speak, but are interrupted by a sharp knock at the door. "It's open!" You shout, garnering a glare from Iwaizumi. You turn to see Osamu step inside.

He studies the scene before him and chuckles softly. His eyes meet yours. There's an expression there that you can't quite place. "Can we talk for a minute?"

You try to get up and fail. Tendou laughs at you, then pushes on your back to help as you try again. You stand and your legs feel a little like jelly. You feel a strong grip on your thigh and assume Iwaizumi was attempting to help. Osamu walks over quickly and grabs your hands. You sigh as he leads you away into the bedroom and you catch Akaashi's glare at him.

Hm. Wonder what that's about.

You turn on the light and sit down at the foot of the bed as he closes the door. He turns to face you and the mask he was wearing falls away almost immediately the moment he sees you. He steps closer but doesn't sit next to you.

He starts fidgeting a little. What's with that? He never fidgets. Why is he acting so off?

"Are you going to talk or am I just supposed to sit here and watch you do..." You raise a hand and wave it in circles at him, "whatever it is you're doing?"

He seems stunned by your words. And honestly, he looks a little hurt. Good. He kind of deserves it. Maybe you were still mad at him for what he said.

He stutters softly. "I, um... I... I just wanted to say that I'm sorry."

You scoff. "Okay."

He finally sits down, but at the other end. He's keeping his distance. "I shouldn't have said that the way that I did."

"No. You shouldn't have." You cross your arms. "Is there a real reason you're here?"

He sighs softly. He leans down with his elbows on his knees. "I miss my friend. We don't talk as much. We don't hang out as much."

"Whose fault is that?" You're calm. A little too calm for the situation at hand. Maybe it's the edibles... Probably.

He lifts his head and turns to look at you. He studies you briefly before speaking softly. "I'm in love with you."

You pull your mouth to the side and try not to laugh. You stand up and open the door. "Please leave." You feel a presence behind you and you don't have to look to know it's Iwaizumi.

Osamu glances between the two of you before dropping his gaze to the floor. He slowly walks towards you and you move to the side. He stops in front of you and your eyes meet. "I mean it. I was scared before. I had to see for myself that I really missed my chance. I'm sorry." He walks past you, past Akaashi's angry glare, and out of the apartment.

You feel Iwaizumi's eyes on you. "Do I want to know what that was about?"

You sigh. "He said he's in love with me." You shrug and walk through the living room into the kitchen. You open the freezer and grab the container of matcha ice cream, then close it. You grab a spoon and go to sit on the couch in your previous place. You pop off the lid of the ice cream and it falls to the floor. You take a bite. "Does anyone know where my phone is?"

Akaashi hands you the device. "Are you going to say anything about that?"

"No. Why would I?"

He scoffs. "I mean... You felt the same once."

"And now I don't. Not even a little bit. I'm very happy with my relationship currently and have no intention of fucking it up. Or allowing anyone else to." You unlock your phone to a picture sent from Bokuto of him and Hinata at the airport, a tired looking Atsumu in the background with a terrified looking Sakusa. You don't blame him. Airports are fucking awful and disgusting

Tendou sighs. "Doesn't mean he still won't try, babe."

"If he tries anything, he'll get his ass kicked by me." You text Bokuto about what happened and you feel Akaashi sigh in relief next to you. You look up at him. "Oh. You meant if I'd tell him. Yeah, of course I would. Why wouldn't I?"

You drug addled brain really can't comprehend everyone's tense faces.

Akaashi leans against the arm of the couch, resting his elbow on it and his head against his hand. "You don't seem to think it's a big deal."

"Oh. It is." You smile at him and he flinches slightly.

Huh. Maybe you're angrier than you thought.

"Well then. Iwaizumi and I ordered food while you two were busy glaring and talking. Should be here in a bit."

You turn to Tendou excitedly. "What are we getting?"

His eyes widen slightly and he chuckles. "It's a surprise, my pretty." He taps your nose.

You turn back to Akaashi, who looks deep in thought. You lean in closer and his eyes meet yours. "Whatcha thinking about?" You smile at him, but it feels lazy.

He gives you an equally lazy grin back. "About how proud of you I am."

You cock your head at him. "Why?"

"You handled that better than I expected."

You shrug and go back to sinking into the couch with your ice cream, which is immediately taken away by Iwaizumi. You pout at him softly and try your best to glare at him as he walks away. "Last I checked, murder is still illegal."

"There's our girl!" Tendou laughs loudly.

Akaashi seems to have found it equally as funny, based on his laughter. "When are they getting back?"

You open your phone back up and scroll through the texts to find out. "He said probably like three or four. Said he'll just come here." You scroll back down to the most recent text from Bokuto.

_What did you say?_

_Please leave._

_Did he say anything else?_

_That he needed to see for himself that he missed his chance. And that he's sorry._

_Whay do you think about it?_

You sigh. You glance up to see both of Akaashi and Tendou reading over your shoulders. You look up and see Iwaizumi peering down in front of you. Jesus, gossipy gays.

_I'm going to tell you what I told these three morons reading over my shoulders. I'm very happy with my relationship. I have no intention of fucking it up or allowing anyone else to. I love you._

The three of them wait with baited breath until he responds back. There are a lot of happy and kissy face emojis, peppered with a few hearts.

_I love you too. How stoned are you guys? Pics?_

Tendou chuckles and takes your phone. He begins to take a bunch of pictures of the three of you, and a few of a rather perturbed looking Iwaizumi.

You glance up at him and hold out your hand to him. He sighs and takes it. You pull him to you and Akaashi helps you pull him into your lap for a tight hug, which Tendou quickly gets a picture of.

Tendou sends off the pictures as Iwaizumi slides onto the floor in front of Akaashi. "I'm sending those to myself. 'kaashi?" He smiles as Akaashi nods then turns back to send them to him as well. He hands you back your phone.

You check the time. Five more hours. Can you wait that long? You want to be awake when he gets back.

You're still not to the tired phase of being high yet. You can make it.

*****

You didn't make it.

You wake up to soft laughter. You look up to see Bokuto smiling widely down at you. You smile back just as widely and almost yell before covering your mouth.

"They just left. I think they waited for me to get here." He sits next to you and you curl up in his lap.

You slip your arms under his unzipped jacket to wrap tightly around him. "I'm glad you're home." You nuzzle your face into his neck as he wraps his arms around you.

He kisses your forehead. "Me too, baby."

You hum contently as one of his arms hooks under your knees and carries you off to bed. "I love you, Koutarou."

He gently lays you down and helps you get out of your clothes. "I love you too." He kisses you and you lay down.

You snuggle into the blankets and watch him take off his clothes. You sigh at the sight of his muscles in the moonlight.

"You like what you see?" He chuckles as he climbs over you to lay down.

You roll over when you feel him settle in behind you. "Yes."

He laughs softly as your fingers traces his jawline. "Good."

You hum as your fingers trail down his neck and across his shoulder. Your fingers continue down his arm to his hand on your waist and then go back up his arm.

"You really are a masterpiece. You know that? God broke the mould with you. I don't know what I did that pleased Him so much to get you, but I clearly did _something_ right."

_Here in my mind, already said goodbye_

_Here in my mind, I'm trying hard not to try_

He smiles widely and blushes intensely. He stutters a little. "Thank you."

Your smile widens. "Did I make you speechless?"

He rolls his eyes, blush still present. "Yeah."

You pull him close, as close as you can get him. "You deserve to hear all of the nicest compliments possible." You cup his cheek and he leans into the touch.

"You do too." He sighs.

You can see the cogs turning in his head. You chuckle a little, mostly because everything is a competition with him.

"You don't have to right now, babe. It can wait until tomorrow when you're rested."

He chuckles. "Don't think I'll forget."

"I know you won't."

You lean in to kiss him. He deepens it eagerly. You feel one of his arms trail up your back to tangle in your hair. He pulls your head back roughly and you moan loudly. His lips curve into a smile against yours. He kisses a trail down your neck to your shoulder. You feel him suck and nibble your flesh until it's tender.

His other hand moves down to grip your thigh tightly and pull it up to his hip. You reach a hand down between you and wrap a single digit around the head of his cock, twirling your finger around it, making him moan against your neck.

You hum softly as you push him inside of you. His pace is immediately fast and relentless. He raises his head to look at you. He smirks when you moan softly. He leans in to lick your lips. You start to wrap your arms around his shoulders, but he grabs your wrists.

He leans into you until you're on your back. He holds your wrists above your head in one hand. He leans down to kiss your neck, then bites down as hard as he can. You moan a little louder and he smiles against your skin. His pace picks up a little, as does the force behind it.

He raises his head and looks down at you. The amount of eye contact used to unsettle you, but he seems to get a kick out of it.

You smirk at him as his hand untangles from your hair. He grabs one of your breasts. He pinches your nipple and smirks when you whimper. His grip on your wrists relents a little, and then gets tight again when you move. He doesn't want you to move your hands, message received. You wink at him, letting him know that you caught on to what he wanted.

He lets go of your wrists and sits up on his knees. He grabs your hips and goes back to the relentless pace from before. You arch your back as you feel the coil in you belly tighten. He groans softly and his grip on your hips tightens to the point of bruising.

He leans down and kisses you. You moan as his tongue wrestles with yours. He growls softly and smirks. "Get on your hands and knees," his voice comes out as a low rumble in his throat.

He pulls out of you and scoots back a bit to give you room. You roll over and lift yourself up on your hands and knees. He grabs your hips and pulls you flush to him. He leans over and bites the outer shell of your ear as he thrusts into you.

Your moaning becomes more frequent as he barrels into you hard. You lay your head down and keep your back arched, relishing in the angle; he's hitting that spot inside you. You reach back with one hand, as if telling him to stay deep, and dig your nails into his thigh.

Your legs start to shake. The coil is about to give way. He's back to gripping your hips as tight as possible. His pace is hard and frenetic. He's close too.

Your orgasm rushes through you like a tidal wave. Your legs would've given out on you, but he's still holding your hips up. You moan blissfully as you feel him twitch inside you.

He leans over and kisses your shoulder as he pulls out of you. He lays down next you and you turn your head to look at him. Your legs finally give out beneath you when he smiles that wide smile at you.

You hum softly as he drapes an arm around your waist. "Are you mad at me?"

His brow furrows and you feel his fingers twitch against your side. "Why would you ask that?"

In other words, he is.

You take a deep breath. "You were a little rougher than usual."

He immediately gets up and turns on the light. "I am so sorry, babe." He stutters as he looks you over, flipping you on your back.

You sigh and grab his face with both hands. "It's fine. You didn't hurt me." You smile softly as relief washes over and he calms down. "You've never done that before. I was just curious. I don't mind it, at all. I liked it. I'm just curious."

He sighs deeply. "I guess I was a little worried about what happened with Osamu."

"Why?"

He lays down on top of you, holding himself up on his forearms. "I don't know... I guess I feel... Threatened?"

You laugh and he seems to take offense. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him closer. "Don't. I might've held those feelings once. But I _definitely_ don't anymore. He ruined any chance of me feeling that way ever again." You kiss his cheek.

He raises his head and looks relieved. "Promise?"

You smile and hold up your pinky to him. He chuckles softly and hooks his pinky with yours. "I promise."

*****

_I'm in my head, in my head_

_Getting ahead_

_I'm in my head getting ahead of myself_

After six months, everything is going well. Bokuto is perfect. That's all you really have to say about it. He's such a good boyfriend. He's so attentive to your needs. He's always willing to put his feelings and needs aside for you and yours. He's so good to you. _So_ good.

You look around your apartment and smile. He's been spending more time at your apartment than his recently, a decision probably based on your bed. Your bed is so much more comfortable than his. But that's not what's making you smile.

What's making you smile is the sheer amount of his things that are at your place. He has several jackets hanging by your door, making you question if he even has any at his place. There are socks in just about every room of your apartment, except for your kitchen. The clothes that are on the floor of your bedroom are all his. The sheer amount of his clothes there made you clear out a space in your closet and a dresser drawer just for him. And when he found that out, he was so excited that he was just bouncing around the room.

Aside from his clothes, there were several pairs of shoes at the door. He kept leaving his water bottles. He had brought some books over for you to read.

You sigh at the sight of it all. It makes you happy. It really does. How can it not? Your boyfriend is hot. He's sweet. He's caring. He loves you.

You turn your head to look at the door as he walks in. You smile softly at him as he toes off his shoes and hangs up his jacket.

"Hi, baby." He kisses your forehead and smiles down at you. "What are you doin'?"

You hum softly at him. "Looking at all your shit here." You smile as he blushes softly. "It's not a bad thing, baby."

He laughs softly. "Good." He wraps his arms around your waist. "I've been thinking about something. I want to ask you something but I don't know if it's too soon."

Oh god. That can mean one of two things: moving in together or marriage. You pray it's moving in and not marriage. It's much too soon for marriage. You love him, but you haven't even lived together yet. And now that your dad's gone, you're not even sure you want to get married.

You hum softly and turn to look up at him. "What is it, babe?" You hope you don't sound as terrified as you feel.

If your horror showed, he doesn't say anything about it. "I was thinking about asking you to move in." He looks down at you and smiles. "Would that be something you're interested in?"

You smile softly. "Yeah. Of course."

"It's not too soon?" He cocks an eyebrow at you.

You hesitate for a moment and his smile falters. "It is, but it's fine. I wouldn't say yes if I wasn't okay with it."

He looks relieved, but only slightly. "Are you sure?"

You turn around in his arms and sigh as you reach up and hold his face in your hands. "Koutarou. I have never been more sure. Okay?" He nods and you smile. You pull his face down and kiss the tip of his nose. "I love you."

"I love you too." He leans his forehead against yours. He sighs heavily. "Mine or yours?"

"Yours is bigger. We can also look into a new place if you want. My cousin is in real estate."

He smiles widely. "Like a house? With a yard? For kids and dogs to run around and shit?"

Your smile falters. "Dogs, yeah," your voice is soft and sad.

_I'm in my head, in my head_

_Getting ahead_

_I'm in my head getting ahead of myself_

And he notices. He straightens up and looks down at you. He studies your face and you try not to look away from his gaze. "Wanna tell me what that's about?"

You sigh. "Do I? No. Should I? Yes." You pull your mouth to the side and try not to cry as he waits expectantly. You don't really like to talk about this. In fact, only one person in Japan who knows about this and that is Satori. And he cried with you when you told him.

You take a deep breath. "I can't have children," you whisper and you're not even sure if he heard you.

He whispers your name and pulls you into a tight embrace. He heard you, all right. "Baby. It's okay." He rubs soothing circles on your back as the sobbing starts.

You feel your knees give out and he picks you up. He carries you to the couch and pulls you into his lap. He kisses the top of your head as he pulls you closer to his chest. He waits patiently until your sobs die down.

"What happened?" His voice is so soft and soothing.

You sigh shakily. "I started getting these really bad pains in my legs. To the point where it was hard to walk. My ex couldn't even fight with me like he always had because he felt so bad. One night, the pain got to be so much, he took me to the emergency room. I got a bunch of tests and scans and stuff. Turns out, it was cancer. In my ovaries. So they took them out. After some radiation, of course. And they couldn't salvage any of my eggs. So children of my own won't ever be in the picture." You sigh again.

He kisses your temple. "I'm sorry, babe." He kisses your temple again. "I think we both think it's too soon to talk about kids. But I know I don't mind adopting. So, keep that in mind. Don't let this bother you. I can tell it does. But it doesn't bother me."

That makes you feel better. It _really_ does.

You raise your head and smile softly at him. You stroke his cheek. You can't even form words. You just mouth "baby" and he smiles at you.

He smiles widely as you mouth "Koutarou," still unable to speak. "Do you feel better about it?" His smile widens when you nod. "Good. I'm glad." He kisses you. He hums softly as he brushes your hair away from your face. "When's your lease up?"

You hum as you think. "Next month I think. I'd have to ask my cousin." You pull out your phone and ask your cousin. You put your phone in your lap as you wait for his response. You can practically feel the excitement buzzing off Bokuto. You smile at him. "Excited?"

"Yes." He's almost to excited to speak.

You smile as you look down at your phone. "He says next month. So I can move in then."

He kisses you excitedly, kissing you all over your face and neck. You giggle as he continues. "Baby, please." You giggle and that only seems to enable him further.

You continue to giggle as he picks you up and carries you into the bedroom.

*****

_I'm in my head, in my head_

_Getting ahead_

_I'm in my head getting ahead of myself_

You smile happily at him as you finish placing all your stuff. It took a week to unpack all your stuff, but you're finally done. The thing he was probably most excited about was moving in your bed, done the first day, and he moved his into the storage unit of you had full of your mom's stuff.

Including a grand piano, which he wanted in his apartment. It sparked a whole conversation on whether or not you played. When you said yes, it seems that made him want it even more.

Good thing his apartment was spacious enough for it. He hardly had any furniture in it, thankfully, giving you all the space to move everything in comfortably.

He picks you up and spins you around. He kisses you softly. He sets you down as he looks around the room. "This is so exciting, baby." He sighs your name as his fingers intertwine with yours. He smiles down at you. "I've never lived with someone I'm dating before."

You smile back at him. "It can be fun. It can also be frustrating. So, be warned."

He hums softly as he pulls you closer to kiss the top of your head. "I believe it." He hums again. "What should we do now?" He cocks an eyebrow at you.

You laugh. "Nothing changes, Bo. We can still do the same stuff as before."

He laughs softly as he blushes. "Oh."

You pull him close and wrap an arm around his waist. "You're so cute." You stand on your tip toes and kiss him. You hum softly as he wraps his arms around you.

"We could invite our friends over. Have a little party?"

You hum softly. "We could."

He studies you for a minute before speaking again. "You want tonight to be just us?"

"Is that so bad? Just us in _our_ home? I think that sounds good."

He smiles. "You're right. I think that sounds perfect."

You hum. "Like you."

He really is perfect. And for the first time in a long time, you're truly happy.

_I'm in my head, in my head_

_Getting ahead_

_I'm in my head getting ahead of myself_


End file.
